TMNT

Posted by Clayton L. White (stinky_booties@hotmail.com) on March 24, 2007

I’ll admit it: when I was six years old, my world revolved around the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Think about it – four overgrown turtles that are raised by a life-size rat that teaches them the way of the ninja…the possibilities are endless. I ate it up. The toys, clothes, movies, whatever – I had them all. As I have gotten older, I’ve revisited the movies and Saturday morning cartoon, and I’ve realized that this thing that I loved so much was so completely, and utterly stupid. Along comes TMNT to rub salt in the wounds.

This movie is ridiculously stupid. From the laughably bad voice work, to the overdone action sequences, to the horrible CGI work, I don’t recommend this film to anyone. Sure, kids will want to see it, and many people my age will probably want to revisit their childhoods, but ultimately everyone will be disappointed. You know the characters, so there is no need for me to go into that. As far as the story goes, I really can’t say; I was lost within the first 30 seconds. Basically four giant turtles tear ass through New York City for about an hour and a half. Nothing significant happens; people get beat up, monsters get locked up, whatever. The film is redundant, lifeless, and pathetic. If I had to say something good about it, I would say that it does go by quickly, and there are enough action scenes to keep you and your children entertained throughout, but you won’t remember any of it when you get home.

TMNT is further proof that Hollywood is convinced that America’s children are idiots. Coming only a few months after an intelligent family film like Bridge to Terabithia, this movie banishes all hope that Hollywood may be trying to rise out of the gutter. Please don’t fuel their fire. Don’t spend the money on trash like this. Stay at home and rent E.T. or something. We don’t need to give those pricks in the studios any more of a reason to put out crap like this.

Read more articles by Clayton L. White