The Condemned

Posted by Joshua Martin (joshua@filmschoolrejects.com) on April 26, 2007

Have you ever heard a bunch of namby pamby critics trying to compare a movie to something and you just care if it’s good or not? This movie doesn’t make any illusions as to what it is. You see a poster with a WWE logo, and one of their biggest stars in recent history plastered all over it. The Marine with John Cena didn’t do so bad, but it got panned by those same namby skirt wearing critics for being low brow. Well buckle up you hippies. Get ready to burn this one down, but you can’t take away from it what it is. An unapologetic action movie made by lumberjack, hairy chest, real men, for real men. It has explosions, decent breast shots, and use of the worth “Motherfucker”, “Fuck you”, “Fuck Your Mother”, and a judicious use of the word “Cocksucker”. Juvenile? Maybe, but honestly it’s for men.

Recently everything except See No Evil have been decent movies for wrestlers. Lets call it what it is, action movies have been more about gore and shock factor than they have been what they’re supposed to be. I am a male, I want to see hot girls, explosions, death, and some really great one liners. We don’t get that vary often, and that’s the general problem with movies recently. Why can’t this be a good movie?

It can, and it is. Steve Austin and 9 other people are criminals bought and sent to a secret island off the south pacific with the intent of filming them. Why? The last one alive on the island will be set free and given a new lease on life. Yeah there is a bunch of stereotypes and clich©s. They’re funny, so shut up. I love the fact that it is every clich© and story you’ve heard before. If you even bring up Battle Royal I’ll punch you in the ovaries. That movie was a copy cat too, it just had kids. It’s been done a million times before, but not like this.

This movie isn’t gory at all. The killings however are outstanding, and there are some genuine moments you’re feeling emotion. From a woman getting raped, and you half see it through the television, to someone getting shot with an arrow, and set on fire alive you feel for them. The camera is shaky in a crack kind of way, but in a blatant mocking of reality TV kind of way.

Vinnie Jones is one of the best villains I’ve seen in a while. He’s incredibly hate-able, and you grow to detest him. As you get more and more into it, he’s almost someone you root for because of his mean streak. There is a bit of a preachy moment, but it’s almost campy to the point you love it. That’s the sheer beauty of this film. It’s a little campy, it’s a little over the top. Just what to fix what ails you.

Look, overall. I liked it. There are some killings you’ll turn to your friends and have to talk about. From where someone totally jobs someone, to the craziest things you’ve seen in a while with an ending worth the price of admission.

Read more articles by Joshua Martin