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Release Date: October 6, 2006

I had the pleasure of waiting in line for a couple of hours to see this bad boy at the Red Carpet premiere. Was it worth it? Yeah I guess. The movie itself was pretty good, although pretty much a carbon copy of the first remake. I did however get to meet R. Lee Ermey and Andrew Bryniarski, the man behind Leatherface, almost crushed me with his huge frame as he walked down the red carpet. Woah.

The film finds a group of kids, as always, driving across the middle of nowhere Texas. Things quickly go wrong for them as they’re about to be robbed right before they plow a cow, causing a crash. Sheriff Hoyt (Ermey) shows up, doles out some quick justice, and takes the rest of the kids back home. What we get now is pretty standard TCM escape situations, including a return to the meat processing plant.

What the film delivers on is showing us some sweet ass chainsaw kills, lots and lots and lots of blood, some vicious beatings and tortures that had people screaming and squirming, and some overall good TCM vibes. We find out how Hoyt became Sheriff, why the family eats flesh, how awesome chainsaw deaths are, how Uncle Monty lost his legs. Ermey really steals the show as the sadistic Hoyt. I hope we get more of him in any movie, and I’d be down for some more TCM as long as we branch out.

The director was there and said a few words, nice guy. The actual direction is good, for the most part, although there is a lot of hand-camera work, trying to emulate the gritty realism of the first one, but mostly just giving a slight case of motion sickness. Overall, it’s slick though. Some people complained about this movie, but I feel it gave you exactly what it said it would and in the end, you should know who survives and who doesn’t, if you’ve seen the other film. If you have seen the first remake, and you want to see this, you might as well just see this first. You don’t really need one to enjoy the other.

Overall, I liked it, but I’m a sick [d]uck. Catch it only if you want to see a bloody movie about a CHAINSAW MASSACRE. If neither Texas, Chainsaws, or Massacres interest you, you won’t enjoy this movie. There were a lot of people in the theater who got in for free who hated it, but only went because it was free. That made me mad.

PS: Diora Bard and Jordanna Brewster are hot. Peace out.

The Upside: It gives you the beginning story of a massacre that utilized a chainsaw and took place in Texas. Exactly what we asked for. R. Lee Ermey owns.

The Downside: It was basically the exact same thing as the remake starring Jessica Biel. Not much new here, so if another follows, let’s hope they move in a new direction.

On the Side: The Red Carpet was not actually a world premiere as the film was shown two days prior on October 3rd. R. Lee Ermey stayed around and signed autographs.

Final Grade: B