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Don’t you feel like you’ve been here before? How many times can we take a half-baked movie centered around a semi-pro sport? How many times can a bully be defeated in order to save a girl and earn back the pride of a chubby hero? How many times can we really watch a film about ping pong? I know what your saying, “But Josh, I love ping pong. I always watch it at 3 am when I’m drunk and laying next to a woman… well I think she’s usually a woman”. Ultimately though, that’s how Balls of Fury would best be taken in… totally drunk.

I’ll go out on a limb. Christopher Walken shows up, but his whole shtick of being Christopher Walken is starting to wear thin. Some of his best work was the Fatboy Slim video in which he dances on tables. That was different for him, and that’s what made the this movie potentially interesting. I was categorically disinterested in George Lopez and Dan Fogler. Both of whom seem to have been cast relative throw away roles. Rounding out the cast is James Hong, who.. in what stretch of truth, plays a Chinese man who’s good at ping pong. Wow… Careful, don’t strain you’re writing chops. Holy shit.

Long story short, Randy Daytona (Dan Fogler) is an amazing young Ping Pong player who becomes a legendary loser at the ’88 Olympics. In doing so, he causes the death of his over-bearing father (Robert Patrick), an event that puts Daytona into a tailspin of bad career moves. Years later, an FBI agent (George Lopez) comes to Daytona with the idea that he could avenge his fathers death. In doing so, Daytona also helps the US Government. Basically this is like Miss Congeniality, with the same amount of suck and some added douchebaggery.

The highlight of the film is an excellent crotch shot via use of the Ping Pong Paddle. That’s about it, from here on, I can’t take it anymore. Balls of Fury was simply bad. I give it a D-, but only based on the inclusion of Christopher Walken; and because someone takes a shot to the junk in an original manner. I had to search for reasons not to fail this movie. I did, honestly, I sat alone and even wondered how “The Walken” could fail me. I know that I will need to sacrifice my “Man Card” for saying this, but he was better in Hairspray.

The Upside: Raunchy “balls” comedy usually owns.

The Downside: It didn’t. Neither did this movie.