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I was looking through the news this week, searching for something to jump out at me and cause me to say, “What the fuck?” This week stood out because there were so many stories that did that.

In response, here’s a quick run-down of the stories I heard this week that touched me, confused me and otherwise caused my head to spin…

Anthony Minghella dies at age 54… While not typical WTF material, this one touched me on a deeper level. I interviewed v about a year ago, and he seemed like a great guy. I was as shocked as we all were.

Lindsay Lohan blames a “lack of focus” for her stint at rehab… Hmmm, I thought it was the drugs.

Dawn Welles and a dope arrest… Our sweet Mary Ann was found with pot in her car, but she claims it’s not hers. That’s original. Did she get that defense from watching COPS?

Gary Busey apologizes for molesting Jennifer Garner… I’m sick of apologies. Celebs only apologize after getting caught. And what is the guy apologizing for? Being Gary Busey?

Tori Spelling finally admits she’s had a boob job… This is news? What’s next? Is Tori Amos going to admit she’s had a recording contract?

Britney Spears has been ordered to pay K-Fed’s legal bills… This guy’s the king of all mooches. Apparently the judge told Britney’s lawyers that she’s ultimately responsible for so many delays that she now has to pay both sides.

Heather Mills awarded $50 million in McCartney divorce… Why should this one-legged prostitute get anything? Didn’t Sir Paul make his money before he married her in 2002? The settlement adds up to about $34,000 per day of the marriage. Paul would have been better off being Client Number Nine.

And one more on Heather Mills: McCartney’s also agreed to pay her $70,000 per year in child support as well as nanny and school fees… My questions is that with a $50 million settlement, why does the kid need a nanny? Are you telling me that Mills has to get a job at K-Mart to make ends meet?