Commentary Track
The Ten Most Disturbing Nude Scenes in Movie History
Posted by Fat Guys at the Movies (fatguys@filmschoolrejects.com) on November 16, 2007
This week, Hollywood is abuzz with anticipation for the CGI film Beowulf. The 3D epic features impressive motion-capture technology, the latest in digital effects and a photo-realistic three-dimensional Angelina Jolie completely nude. Unfortunately, it also features a photo-realistic three-dimensional Anthony Hopkins nude as well.
This got us to thinking that while we love nude scenes in movies, there are some that should have been left on the cutting room floor. As George Costanza once said on Seinfeld, there’s “good naked” and “bad naked.” Here’s a list of the top “bad naked” moments in cinema history.
Flame on!
10. Harvey Keitel in The Piano (1993)
It was one of the top films of the year’s award season, but unfortunately it won the award for exposing the most junk nobody wanted to see. Let’s face it, this guy ain’t attractive even when he’s wearing clothes.
9. The Witches in The Tragedy of Macbeth (1971)
When Roman Polanski moved on from molesting underage girls, he decided to take Shakespeare to its gritty roots. This modern – and violent – filming of the Bard’s classic play featured the witches all wrinkly, dirty, old and naked. Talk about toil and trouble.
8. Anything with Will Ferrell
Like Anne Heche in the early 1990s, if Will Ferrell shows up in a film, chances are you’re gonna see his hairy man-boobs and appendix scar. Ferrell, while hilarious even in his most revealing scenes, is waaaaaay too proud of his body.
7. Billie Gibson in The Shining (1980)
Forget the danger of being hacked to death by Jack Nicholson. It was this rotting, flabby, ghostly image that kept us from wanting to go back to room 237 of the Overlook Hotel. And she was so hot as the young lady…
6. Jaye Davidson in The Crying Game (1992)
Even if you heard the spoiler about this infamous scene in The Crying Game, it was still a shocker.
5. The Fat Lady Stripper in Orgazmo (1997)
Not that anyone would put it past the South Park guys, but it still made us throw up in our mouths to watch T-Red come after i in the film… stunt cock or not.
4. Terry Bradshaw in Failure to Launch (2006)
What romantic comedy isn’t complete without Terry Bradshaw’s lumpy, bare butt cheeks? Completely unnecessary, but an inspiration to all of us to build our own naked rooms.
3. The Singing Asshole in Pink Flamingos (1972)
True, scenes from John Waters’ films could populate this entire list – from the Egg Lady to the hermaphrodite in the park. Still, it was the infamous Singing Asshole that helped propel Pink Flamingos into underground trash cinema history.
2. Kathy Bates in About Schmidt (2002)
We love Kathy Bates, the actor. We don’t love Kathy Bates, the hot tub bunny. And the scene just kept going… and going… and going…
1. Sascha Baron Cohen and Ken Davitian in Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006)
One of the funniest movies of the year. By far, one of the most disturbing scenes of the year as well.
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Diane Keaton in Something’s Gotta Give (2003) – It’s not that we don’t like her as an actress… it’s just that we’d rather have seen this scene in her Annie Hall days.
Lyn Shaye in Kingpin and There’s Something About Mary (1996 and 1998) – She wasn’t nude in Kingpin, but her un-naked body was disturbing enough… and the fake, old, pendulous breasts in There’s Something About Mary was the stuff of nightmares.
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55 Comments
November 16th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
When I was working the Oscars, I headed out on a lunch break to the sandwich place Ken Davitian owns at Hollywood and Highland. While he used his used-car-salesman-like skills to guilt me into buying a sandwich, all I could think was, “I’ve seen you naked, man.”
Of course, I thought the same thing when I saw Trishelle Cantanella at a Kinko’s in Santa Monica.
November 16th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
You forgot “Sleepaway Camp” a hidden gem of depraved, underage, disgustingly hilarious tidbit of nudity that will make you throw up your own intestines.
Way worth it!
Also, Harvey Keitel shows his junk in “Bad Lieutenant” if that’s your thing.
November 16th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
What about William H. Macy’s saggy ass in “The Cooler”? You haven’t seen an attractiveness trainwreck like the sultry Maria Bello writhing under the leaky sandbag like bottom of Bill Macy. This next shot’s to you Felicity Huffman, here’s to the lucky woman who gets that drooping flesh leaking over the sides of your thighs as you make what has to be love, because sex appeal just isn’t there.
November 16th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
And speaking of Felicity Huffman, we could have always listed her side-of-the-road moment in Transamerica. I hear it was her real penis they used.
November 16th, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Fun list and like you i thought of the Kingpin lady as soon as i clicked on this link and she wasn’t even naked, but her sexual scenes were disturbing enough. Although, I didn’t think Diane Keaton looked bad in Something’s Got to Give plus it was so quick.
November 16th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
And if we want to talk about more wang on screen, and who doesn’t, how about Brown Bunny? Real penis, real mouth, reaaaaaaaal awkward after they broke up I’d guess!
November 16th, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Hats off to Robert, I was about to comment on the ending scene of ’sleepaway camp’ The image of Angela still haunts me…. Sleepaway Camp should be #1
November 16th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
I’m rolling on the floor over this concept. You guys are the greatest!
By the way, dare I say it? I have seen Anthony Hopkins nude and he would not be on this list.
Heh heh heh
Now you can figure out if this is fake news or real.
November 16th, 2007 at 9:46 pm
I might add “Songs From The Second Floor” (outstanding) and “Trailer Town” (less outstanding, but… ahem).
http://imdb.com/title/tt0120263/
http://imdb.com/title/tt0413390/
enjoy
November 16th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
Space Cowboys. ’nuff said. Why it isn’t #3, I don’t know.
November 16th, 2007 at 10:59 pm
eastern prmises has to be considered here too! Such much male junk! Or as it wifey calls it - “dudity”
November 16th, 2007 at 11:01 pm
[...] read more | digg story [...]
November 16th, 2007 at 11:13 pm
I have to go wtih Geoffrey Rush in Quills. I still can’t look at that guy without shuddering.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:22 pm
How about Jack Nicholson’s flabby rear end showing through his hospital gown in Something’s Gotta Give!
November 16th, 2007 at 11:32 pm
“Movie History” naturally would include adult movies, I assume.
A moment involving Short Stud as “Sid the Elf” in the c. late 1980’s film “Merry Xmas” would get my vote.
In the scene, Stud apparently has difficulty ejaculating during a copulation with a (much taller) female co-star. The “money shot” being what is in the industry - that is to say, everything - this presented a problem for both Stud and the film makers, alike.
It’s worth hunting down and watching this little tid-bit of porn-noir to find out how they all worked around this little dilema.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:39 pm
i remember seeing some clip of natalie portman being beat up while nude. like spanish inquisition or something. that was pretty disturbing, anyone know what that was?
November 16th, 2007 at 11:41 pm
Bubby’s mother in ‘Bad Boy Bubby’. And I also want to point out that we are all bringing up some bad memories here.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:42 pm
OK, and I see this revealing article on a Friday night. The best night of cable TV softcore porn of the week for the middle aged guy.
I am going to bed now instead of watching Latin Lover….Thanks
November 16th, 2007 at 11:42 pm
What I hate is when they show an attractive couple chatting it up and then in the next scene they show them in bed. They are in closeup to the finest set of peachy ass you’ve ever seen on a woman and you assume that it’s the fine chick. Then they pull out and it’s the ass of the guy. What kind of man shaves his ass? And I’m not talking about Brad Pitt, there was a love scene in Tightrope with Clint Eastwood…I was a young teen, nudity in movies was new to me. Fap, fap, fap, groooosss!
November 16th, 2007 at 11:57 pm
What about all of the naked guys in Jackass and Jackass 2?
November 17th, 2007 at 12:03 am
How can you forget the topless woman in “Event Horizon” that was holding her own eyeballs. I was very confused ;) — repulsed but there were titties on screen. Those two images should not be ever combined and I am still trying to get that out of my head. :p
November 17th, 2007 at 12:08 am
You forgot Keanu Reeves in the second Matrix….I mean was that sex scene really needed……………..MY EYES
November 17th, 2007 at 12:11 am
Natalie Portman’s nude scenes were in “Goya’s Ghost”.
http://www.cinematical.com/2007/03/20/natalie-portmans-nude-torture-scene-from-goyas-ghosts-pops-u/
November 17th, 2007 at 1:59 am
Ahem! I’ll take Kathy Bates in a hot-tub anyday, over her jungle dance ‘At Play in the Fields of the Lord’. :) Gotta’ admit tho’, she’s a heckuva actress.
Peach grout!
November 17th, 2007 at 2:02 am
This is dumb.
Very dumb.
Nude scenes from movies I’ve never seen. Wow. How lame.
Hope you read this. ‘Cause then you’d know how bad you sux04z.
November 17th, 2007 at 3:06 am
Something About Mary: Magda Tits.
’nuff said.
November 17th, 2007 at 6:45 am
You blew it!
The winner is the scene when Miles retrieves Jack’s wallet in Sideways.
November 17th, 2007 at 7:24 am
I’m really shocked Diane Keaton got a mention.
I thought she was gorgeous in that movie. She had a flat stomach, high breasts, good skin. I really don’t see why it was “bad naked.”
Or you’re automatically “bad naked” once you hit a certain age, gorgeous or not?
November 17th, 2007 at 8:43 am
How about Ted Levine’s “tuck” in Silence of the Lambs? Jeez.
November 17th, 2007 at 9:14 am
I’m gonna have to put my vote in for Ruth Gordon and all the other seniors in “Rosemary’s Baby”. *eye bleach*
November 17th, 2007 at 9:15 am
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November 17th, 2007 at 9:19 am
I think it needs to be mentioned that Halle Berry’s Scene from Monster’s Ball should almost be required to be on this list….
November 17th, 2007 at 9:43 am
Don’t forget the first scene from Sweet Sweetback’s Baadassssss song!
November 17th, 2007 at 11:40 am
Danny DeVito in Big Fish… oh man… that was weird.
November 17th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
How about Harvey Keitel in Bad Lieutenant? It was even worse than in The Piano!
November 17th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
Oh sweet jesus christ that scene in Sascha Baron Cohen’s movie was a horendious attack on the moral fabric of america, not to mention my visual cortex.
That horrible image is now cauterized into my retina’s forever..
Sascha Baron Cohen, If reading this, Please seek jesus..
November 17th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
Captainstabb — Didn’t you watch the whole movie? He did seek Jesus.
November 17th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
No mentions of anything by Kubrik? The rape scene in Clockwork wasn’t disturbing enough?
November 17th, 2007 at 2:49 pm
How is Pretty Baby not on here? That has probably the most disturbing nude scene ever. Also, anything by Peter Greenaway has at least 3 scenes that top any of these.
November 17th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
needs more Blue Velvet
November 17th, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Joker961 is definitely right. I can’t believe it took so long for someone to mention the mangina scene. That was truly disturbing, should be #2.
November 18th, 2007 at 12:18 am
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November 18th, 2007 at 9:56 am
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November 18th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
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November 18th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
@Mindy: I thought the same thing.
November 19th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
The crying game was the most shocking for me.
http://www.freeonline-movies.com
November 20th, 2007 at 3:51 am
Kevin Bacon. Okay Kevin, we know you have a huge schlong that rivals Tommy Lee, but for gods sake quit reminding us!
November 24th, 2007 at 1:29 am
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November 30th, 2007 at 6:12 am
Just to fill out a trio of Harvey Keitel horrors: The final scene in 1978’s “Fingers” in which H.K. — for no apparent reason — sits nude at a grand piano, glowering straight out at us as though saying, “Wanna make somethin’ of it?” We wouldn’t even wanna touch it, Harv.
December 5th, 2007 at 1:56 am
On the money…but did forget Sleepaway Camp. Found a great site that sells rare nude scene movies. check out http://www.gottaseedvds.com
December 20th, 2007 at 8:56 am
????? ???? ???? ??????? ?? ??? ?? ??? ??????
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December 23rd, 2007 at 4:11 am
It’s funny that I happened upon this website tonight; I just got done watching The Piano and having a heart attack.
I’m going to be the forum tater here and say that I appreciated Harvey’s weiner….. All 30 inches of it lol.
I would much rather drool over him than watch the fat naked guy running down the hall in Lolita. Which reminds me… Why the hell wasn’t that on here?
That scene made me look away faster than 2 girls, 1 cup and now that we have opened that can of worms; it wins hands down!
December 27th, 2007 at 6:23 pm
[...] naked” and “bad naked.” Here’s a list of the top “bad naked” moments in cinema history.read more | digg [...]
December 27th, 2007 at 9:15 pm
Harvey Keitel wasn’t bad naked though, that’s my point
January 15th, 2008 at 5:18 am
Kathy Bates also did another even more disturbing nude scene in the movie “At Play in the Fields of the Lord “..it was eye wrenching.