Movie Style Guy: There Will Be Mustaches

Posted by Robert Fure (robert@filmschoolrejects.com) on January 10, 2008

Hello everyone, this is your Movie Style Guy wishing you a happy New Year and kicking off the start of Movie Style Guy as a weekly, yes weekly, column. And to take this joyous occasion to the highest level possible, I’m going to introduce you to the next big trend before it even starts. I’m talking about mustaches.

I know many of you are thinking “What, no way, can’t be.” Well you’re in for a surprise, my friends, the Year of the Mustache is here. Now, I don’t think any trend has survived as many comings and goings as the mustache. At one point in time it was required of British Army Officers, the mark of a Porn Star, the signature of a cowboy, or the domain of someone who owns more than 2 pick-up trucks and a four-wheeler. But there’s someone new sporting the mustache - Hollywood.

Two films sure to be on the Oscar short list include No Country for Old Men which stars Josh Brolin’s masterful lip wig and There Will Be Blood which is already receiving critical acclaim for its portrayal of Daniel Day Lewis‘ mustache. Both of these men wear their mustaches well and opt for a traditional, full look. DD Lewis’ gets some of that traditional western overhang going on, which is a brave look ready to return to your face.

Let us not forget that 2007 also featured, again, Jack Sparrow’s disjointed facial hair which Johnny Depp later adopted as a three-piece facial combo - mustache, goatee, and soul patch, all independent of each other. This is a great look to start with, as no one will look at you and see the pieces, they’ll see the whole. You’ll sneak the mustache up on them.

2007 also saw the return of Tom Selleck to regular series television on Las Vegas. Not only is the show good, Selleck’s limited screen time is the highlight for me. And while he may currently be sporting a goatee, he’ll forever be known as one of the premiere mustache wearers in the world. Other contemporary notables include Brandon Flowers (The Killers), Hulk Hogan and Wolf (American Gladiators, yeah!), Burt Reynolds (it’s back!) and, of course, Sam Elliot.

Growing your mustache can be tricky. I’ll fill you in on the best way to go about it. First, grow some stubble. Trim that into a goatee. Let the goatee fill out a bit. Then, trim down the areas just beneath where you want the mustache to end to just about the bottom of the chin, leave a little goatee area. Next, trim around the soul path. Then, go through with a razor, and then preferably a single blade, and git rid of what you trimmed down. You know have the three piece Johnny Depp is rocking. Wear this for awhile. Then, when your mustache looks good, shave your chin. You can keep the soul patch or get rid of it, you’re not clearly in mustache territory.

The reason you don’t want to grow it straight up as a mustache is people are still jealous of the mustache. They’ll ask you about it and make you feel self-conscious and when you look in the mirror you’ll see a week of stubble on your lip, not a proud mustache. By the time you shave down to the mustache under this plan, you’ll have a good looking stache you can be confident about. People will comment on it. Usually you’ll get “Nice mustache” said sarcastically to hide their pre-pubescent jealousy at their inability to grow facial hair. You respond either “Thanks” or, preferably, “I know.” I’ve even had people ask me if its real. They then ask, twinge of excitement in their voice, “You can grow one?” Clearly, they can’t.

There are a few styles, I’ll only cover three. Number one, is a Western Themed Handle Bar. Trim the area just above your lip so it doesn’t strain your food, but let the ends grow out at which point they can be curled up. The Chevron type is pretty much the Tom Selleck. That’s a good, distinguished look. The end of the mustache should be in line with the end of the mouth, more or less. The pencil-mustache. Avoid this. It’s non-committal. It makes you look like a villain. Or Clark Gable. So if you look like Clark Gable go for it.

Proper care requires only that you wash your face normally, shampoo and condition your mustache on occasion, trim it with a pair of small scissors so it’s not over your lips (though some will grow it that way on purpose) and a small mustache comb for straightening. The mustache is a badge of honor to be worn proudly and confidently. Those around you may try to cut you down in a fit of jealousy, but when you wear it like a man, they will envy you. You’re one of the few that can do and soon, many will try to emulate it.

So join the proud ranks of the famously mustached. The following list includes some notable persons who have had mustaches, at one point or another:

• Kurt Russel
• Jack Palance
• Clark Gable
• All Dictators (Hussein, Lenin, Stalin, Hitler)
• Robert Goulet
• Danny Devito
• Robert Redford
• Robert Duvall
• Dr. Phil
• Wilford Brimley
• George Clooney
• John Waters
• Yosemite Sam
• Movie Style Guy

So step up and be a man and grow a mustache. 2008 is your year to do it. When someone asks how much a mustache ride is, tell them a quarter - then ask them why they’re not confident enough to grow one? Like I say: Mustaches, they grow on you.

PS: Be careful when shaving around your mustache, one slip can cut away months of growth. Go forth and grow!

Read more articles by Robert Fure