Five Reasons Not To See ‘The Happening’

Posted by Brian C. Gibson (brian@filmschoolrejects.com) on June 13, 2008

The Happening

Yesterday Josh Radde reminded us that M. Night Shyamalan’s The Happening will be hitting theaters this Friday along with The Incredible Hulk. Josh, who gave you permission to talk about that which we do not speak of? If you understood that reference, then you too have sat through the mind-rape of another one of Shyamalan’s films – The Village. Just kidding Josh, if you wan’t to help promote a film for the most over-rated director in Hollywood history, that’s cool. Just don’t try and take everyone’s eyes off of this week’s prize, our favorite big green angry man Hulk. So in order to set the record straight, I give you the Top 5 Reasons Not to See The Happening:

5. Shyamalan Drop’s The Ball Harder With Each Film

Ever since the Sixth Sense, Shyamalan’s films have been falling from grace with fans and critics alike. Just take a look at the IMDB ratings of each film in chronological order: The Sixth Sense – 8.2, Unbreakable – 7.2, Signs – 6.9, The Village – 6.6, Lady In The Water – 6.0. Don’t get me wrong, I liked Unbreakable because I’m a comic fan…but the rest were crap. A wise man once said “There’s an old saying in Tennessee – I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee – that says, fool me once, shame on – shame on you. Fool me – you can’t get fooled again.”

4. If You Saw Him On The Street, You Know You Would Punch Him

Shyamalan is pretentious, and you know it. Don’t defend him, just admit it. Every Shyamalan film I have seen has felt like he was sitting a few seats away from me in a hooded sweatshirt and sunglasses trying to disguise himself. Like he was waiting patiently for the “ah hah” moment of the film, so he could stand up and point at me and yell “Hah! I got you good!” and then run out of the theater laughing like a schoolgirl.

3. Shyamalan is Not Alfred Hitchcock

There is a big difference between trying to be like a person, and actually trying to be a person. Hitchcock had very easily recognizable trademarks, and Shyamalan has tried to mimic some of them. For instance Hitchcock made his films for his fans, hence ‘Alfred Hitchcock Presents…’. Shyamalan makes his films to feel smarter than us, hence “M. Night Shyamalan’s…”. Also, when Hitchcock would appear in one of his films as a cameo, it was always funny and tongue in cheek. Shyamalan’s cameos are never fun, just usually creepy or even more pretentious.

2. The Happening Has A Killer Twist

So get this, you know how in the trailer everyone on Earth is mysteriously committing suicide? The twist is that when you walk out of the theater, everyone around you will actually be killing themselves for spending another $10 and precious time of their lives to watch another film from the most overrated director in Hollywood. Can’t you wait? Seriously, the twist could be that Mark Wahlberg is really dead and he hasn’t realized that he is a superhero that can only save the world from aliens if he ventures outside of his private compound to find that he is actually living in modern day times…weird.

1. Hulk Will Be Forced To Smash You

Not only will you feel stupid for going to see The Happening, I will personally guarantee that you will get smashed by Hulk…and I will take your girlfriend home. Going to see The Happening this weekend instead of The Incredible Hulk would be like an NFL team sending in their kicker when they are down by 6 points with :02 seconds left in the game. Not only is it senseless, it still leaves you coming up short. Stop making the same mistake over and over again with Shyamalan’s films, and just go for the sure hit this weekend.

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kenny

o my goodness! i went to the premier and i think you literally read my mind... a stated everything you did. that was totally wierd reading your article because i feel like i wrote it. the part about his movies getting progressively worse is totally true and this on was totally predictable. i actually blurted out towards the end of the movie that the reason everyone was commiting suicide was because they were actually watching the movie themselves, most the theatre started laughing. and as for his cameo's i don't understand how he is a director because his acting always seems so forced and phoned in(especially in signs... MEGA CREEPY!). btw there was a guy two seats down from me in a baseball cap who looked just like m. night but i'm sad to report he did not stand up and say "ha! i got you!" but that could be due to the fact that he didn't really get anyone on this one... i'd put that under the worst movie i've ever seen in my life. i laughed more than any thing. yoou know when you have such an unfortunate and bad day that it becomes funny after a while. that's this movie! my favorite part personally was everything involving that random old woman especially the part where she put the doll in the ben to make it look like it was her but it was lik 1/16 her size but mark wahlberg started talking to it anyways. it was like they ran out of funding for the movie so they had to use one of m. night's barbies, c'mon you know that pretentious creep plays with them. i salute you brian gibson and if you have written a book or ever do write a book i will buy it and read it in a HEARTBEAT. we think the same my friend

B4tS

Watch the move yesterday,
I think the movie is...........SUCKS
It's gonna take a long time to forget how bad the movie is

ps: One of the worst movie of all time, potentially razzie awards for worst movie

Chris

I hear the "twist" is that they're promoting it as being R rated, but in actuality, it's PG-13.

WHAT A TWIST!

Josh Radde

Brian, thank you for the opening paragraph. People seem to be confused with my article, which was essentially "How Night lost his way." That being said I have in my possession two tickets to Incredible Hulk tonight. I may go see the Happening sometime this weekend, perhaps post-ganja.

Josh Radde

And besides Brian, you put that Bush quote in there only furthering my comparison of Shayamalan to the Bush Admin. Thank you for validating my article. :)

Jeremy M

I hate how they are promoting this thing..

"His first R RATED FILM!! OMG!"

Lame...

Johnny Boy

Though Unbreakable, Signs and the Village were not as popular as the Sixth Sense, those
films were still successful as a film. People act like he's the worst director ever which
definitely is not true. Seriously, his only big flop was Lady in the Water... (unless you want
to count Praying with Anger and Wide Awake).

Edward B

Listen-this guy DOES need a tump (thump for the unaware) in his mout (mouth for the unaware) as soon as he's seen on the street. Please refer to point#6 of my HULKed out rant in this weeks Boiling Point 'cause recommending this guy's movies, is a surefire way to get yourself shot, maimed, or instantaneously lose friends. As for the dude's comments above me-SHHHAAAAAD UP!!!! This movie director's a lame, straight up, & each movie after the AWESOMENESS that was 6th Sense, this guy's been seeing a dead movie career, accept he, (& those who employ him and pay to see his movies), is too dumb to see it's his own. So, I am not surprised to see that the initial backlash of his latest tripe is negative and I for one am excited to go help HULK SMASH his movie after work this afternoon! So, BOOO! M. Night Shyamalan's movies-(which clearly AREN'T "happening")-& HOORAY HULK (& BEER) (See Red Stripe Beer Commercials to appreciate my ending more)!!!!!

Edward B

For those of ya'll too lazy to look it up, I thought I'd take the liberty to cut/paste it over here, so enjoy...

6) M. Night Shyamalan. He needs a good punch in the mouth for every movie heâ€™s put out since 6th Sense. That movie was incredible and awesome w/the twist at the very end. But Signs/The Village (10 punches in the mouth for that!)/Unbreakable/Lady in the Water/The Credit Card commercial & whatever other crap heâ€™s put out is another boiling point! How could you come w/a wicked a$$ movie like 6th Sense and then flop everytime after and have people cuss your wisp of a soul for supporting your garbage and still sleep at night? Anyway, he deserves a HULK SMASH!! in his a$$!!!! & now heâ€™s going to ruin one of the few decent cartoons out right now in a couple of years when he finishes puking out Avatar : The Last Airbender!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!! Heâ€™s the one who needs to get The Message and stop making garbage movies!!!

Johnny Boy

I think the guys here are jealous cause a guy like Shyamalan despite his mixed reviews on
his films still makes a career in the film industry... And he does so outside of Hollywood...
while people here are (as the site's name implies) Film School Rejects. Shyamalan is and
will continue to be a major player in the industry and I wouldn't be surprised if he continues
his success even if every single film he makes for the rest of his life is progressively worse
by "some" peoples standards..

Five Reasons Not To See ‘The Happening’

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