Commentary Track

Casting Future Remakes: Who Should Play Who?

Posted by Maggie Van Ostrand (maggie@filmschoolrejects.com) on June 8, 2008

Keira Knightley Singing A recent article about the remake of superhit, My Fair Lady, came as a bit of a shock. We don’t yet know who will play Rex Harrison playing Professor Higgins, but we do know Keira Knightley will play Audrey Hepburn playing Eliza Doolittle.

This news gives rise to speculation about other remakes that might be in Hollywood’s future if they ever decide to stop making animated movies using the voices of real stars and switch to making movies with real stars using animated voices.

Speaking of voices, we don’t know who will play Marni Nixon, the famous chanteuse you might not have heard of so here’s a little background: She was the singing voice of Deborah Kerr in The King and I and An Affair to Remember, Natalie Wood in West Side Story, and Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady. She also dubbed the phrase “These rocks don’t lose their shape” for Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes iconic hit, “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend.” Will she be invited to come out of retirement to help Keira get her throat around Wouldn’t it be Loverly, The Rain in Spain and I Could Have Danced All Knightley?

Not to say Keira is anything but good, previous remakes of popular movies pretty much flop, even with huge stars. Think Nicholson in The Postman Always Rings Twice, Warren Beatty in An Affair to Remember, Naomi Watts in King Kong, Jude Law in Alfie. Even Michael Caine in a remake of his own movie, Sleuth, couldn’t manage a hit.

As a tribute to Hollywood’s mega hits, I have come up with a new game to entice fanboys and fangirls into theaters: Casting remakes not yet made. Here’s our starter kit –

Movie	New Cast
Citizen Kane	Adam Sandler as Charles Kane Will Smith as Jedediah Leland
Ben-Hur	Rosie O’Donnell in the title role (Ben-Her) Barbara Walters as Esther Ben Stiller as Messala
Gone With the Wind	Tom Cruise as Scarlett O’Hara Mike Myers as Rhett Butler Eva Langoria as Melanie Wilkes Dana Carvey as Ashley Wilkes Scarlett Johansson as Mammy
The Wizard of Oz	Megan Fox as Dorothy The Jessicas (Alba, Biel, Simpson) as the Cowardly Lion, Scarecrow, and the Tin Person) Denise Richards as the Wicked Witch Owen Wilson as Glenda, the Good Witch
Chinatown	Bob Dylan as Jake Gittes Tina Fey as Evelyn Mulwray Steven Colbert as Noah Cross
The Godfather	Bill Murray as Don Vito Corleone Jon Stewart as Michael Corleone Obama Girl as Connie Corleone Chris Rock as Sonny Corleone Jimmy Fallon as Clemenza Jon Lovitz as Tom Hagen
Rocky	Martin Short as Rocky Balboa Ellen DeGeneres as Adrian Pauly Shore as Apollo Creed

We welcome your suggestions for casting as-yet-unplanned future films based on past megahits.

Read more articles by Maggie Van Ostrand