Boiling Point - Hype Sucks

Posted by Robert Fure (robert@filmschoolrejects.com) on January 14, 2008

I’m a tough guy to market to, along with most of my demographic. We are the 18-24 year old male, and we are fickle! Personally I won’t be won over by billboards, spoilers, or Happy Meal toys; you’ve got to come correct with a great trailer, a sweet poster, and an interesting concept to get my attention. But I’ll tell you what doesn’t work. In fact, I’ll tell you what backfires 95% of the time. Yea, you read the title of this article, so you know its hype. Hype sucks.

Think back to the last time you went into a really hyped up movie and came out and said “Wow yeah, that was totally worth every single bit of hype I heard surrounding it.” For me, it was probably Batman Begins and before that it was probably Jurassic Park. So as you can see, they’re few and far between. I don’t get won over my critics telling me how mesmerizing Ratatouille is and if you tell me that Hostel 2 has the most shocking ending ever, you better bring your A-game (Hostel 2 did not). When you hype up the “most unexpected shocker ever” and it’s a rip-off of 15 other movies (Hide and Seek I’m looking at you) you’re not shocking and you’ve let me down. I didn’t get swept up in your shit and I don’t buy hype because it never lives up. Snakes on a Plane anyone?

So let’s talk Cloverfield. This film has the worst kinds of hype - mystery hype + viral hype. I guarantee I’ll write a scathing commentary on viral videos one day. But moving forward. Mystery hype annoys the shit out of me. What’s it about, what’s going to happen, oooh and all that bullshit. What’s it called, we’re not telling! Oh and it turns out its fucking called Cloverfield which was the first damn name ever associated with it. But shhhh!! Secrets! Secrets and Lies Secrets and Lies! Give me a break. Viral hype. Blaaarggvomit. I don’t give two rats fucking about “Slusho” or that shit. I don’t fucking care, really. Sweet, you got “Slusho” in Entertainment Weekly and you playing a sweet gag on all of us. Haha. You got me! I hope your movie catches fire. Sending tiny tidbits of mystery information around in the web just annoys me. I don’t like having to “search for clues.” That’s like Coke putting an internet code underneath your bottle cap instead of “You win” because no one is going to go through the fucking hassle of going to the website and typing out a 15 digit code for a “Try again.” You want me to see your movie, right? So let me know what its about. Show me the sweetness.

Now I’m taking a big risk here. People are buzzing about Cloverfield and guys like Harry Knowles are jerking it off already. Well, remember that HK loved The Matrix Revolutions and then consider it. And you know, First Sunday made millions of dollars, so that tells you about trusting what everyone else thinks about a movie.

When you hype a movie up and tell me to expect something grand, I do. I expect the world with a little white fence around it served on some nice fucking china. Because that’s what you promised me. I don’t care if critics talk great about it (3:10 to Yuma) because the studio isn’t trying to sell me on some sideline bullshit and telling me I’ll never guess the ending. They say “Check it out. Bale, Crowe, Cowboys, Gunfight.” Then I say “See you there.”

But hype a movie up and you set yourself up for failure. I think Cloverfield for all its secrets and lies (!) is going to disappoint because they’ve promised me groundbreaking and original. Well from what I’ve seen so far its Godzilla + Blair Witch. So wake me up when it gets original. Heaven help them if I don’t see the fucking monster full on and in its glory in this fucking hyped up “monster movie.” I’ll be full well willing to apologize for setting my sights on this film if it turns out to be great. In fact, I should have a review of it coming soon and if I loved it, I will eat a plate of crow. But it will be on of the rare films that manages to live up to the hype. And one question for all of you buying the hype - who directed Cloverfield? Yeah, I didn’t think you knew. It’s not J.J. Abrahms and he’s probably got the least to do with it out of anyone involved, but he gets the credit.

So maybe it’s just me that hates hype. Maybe it’s just me that hates being built up so high and then left so low. Maybe it’s just me who thinks the last line was vaguely referencing getting blueballs from a film. Maybe I’m alone here. But maybe I’m not. And no matter what, I’ve definitely slipped past my boiling point.

Read more articles by Robert Fure