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CGI is awesome. When it’s done right. And doing it right costs money. I hate how much CGI is present in films today when there are very simple, practical solutions that would cost less. I’m not sure who’s decision it is to make this call, but I want to slap them. Now I understand that sometimes CGI, even bad CGI, is the best option. A movie about a huge group of monster bats might need some CGI monster bats to save a lot of headaches. And even if the results are mildly laughable, ok, that’s that. Had to happen. But maybe you should explore the Jaws route and not show the monster bats all the time!

The worst, and most common, offense now taking place is fake blood. Oh my God how terrible digital blood looks to me. Liquids are hard to realistically animate and blood is a liquid, so you see the problem. Lots of films do it. Even Rambo let the binary blood splatter. I can’t imagine its cheaper. I can make gallons of great looking fake blood for under $20. Enough blood to splatter a half dozen heads. You want someone to make a CGI blood spray? You’re going to end up spending thousands.

CGI is the answer to big budget movies or massive fantasy films. Transformers wouldn’t have worked without CGI. Michael Awesome! Bay, however, was smart in realizing that the technology wasn’t ready until just recently to make Transformers. He didn’t want half-assed CGI fucking up his movie. The Golden Compass and movies like that need CGI to fill in these massive landscapes. Although matte paintings don’t look half-bad! Check out the original Star Wars if you can still find a print and look at how amazing the film looks without CGI! Great stuff.

I’d rather see a bad practical effect than a bad CGI effect. I’ve worked post production with computers and graphics, and I know how long and hard it is, and how much it costs. It’s not pretty. I’ve worked on practical effects and while its hard, its also satisfying and much, much cheaper. The results almost always look better too. Even the best CGI can often be spotted and outed as CGI. And that takes a little something away from it. You see that and you think “Oh, they did that with computers.” If you see a good practical effect, your eye knows that there is something physically there and all of a sudden you’re asking “How did they do that?” It’s impressive to do and to look at.

So please, Hollywood, keep practical effects as your first line of offense! Digital blood looks like computer diarrhea! Digital head explosions are far less satisfying than a splattering good time of a fake head. I understand what you’re trying to do but understand me! The consumer! I want physical effects! I want the most bang for my buck! And nothing bangs louder than a compressed air bomb in a fake skull!

I know a lot of people have to be with me on this one. Bad CGI is horrible. Good CGI is ok. Bad practicals are bad. Good practicals are good. That’s at least a level of positivity difference! So fuck computers. Let’s get our hands dirty! I want to see it! The actors want to feel it. All I know is if I see any more CGI blood diarrhea on screen, someones going to have to make a lifecast of my head, fill it with fake blood and gore, and explode it, because I’ll be too far gone past my boiling point!