Indiana Jones vs. Han Solo: Who Would Win?
Posted by FSR Staff (editors@filmschoolrejects.com) on May 13, 2008
Have you ever wondered who would win in a fight between two of Harrison Ford’s most badass characters? Please, this is no time to chime in about Deckard. We all know he is badass, but this is a battle that needs to be fought. This should be a college course or something. Iconic Film Badassery 101 perhaps?
The following chart was inspired by an article we saw over at MySloCounty.com, but we’ve changed it a bit. We’ve inserted our own commentary and a few added criteria:
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Indiana Jones |
Han Solo |
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|
Sidekick |
Short Round This little guy would not be an asset in the fight. In fact, we see him standing on the sidelines, constantly breaking Indy’s concentration by yelling out “Dr. Jones! Dr. Jones”. Alternate: Mutt Williams Indy would be much better off taking him newfound friend Mutt Williams, played in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull by Shia LaBeouf, into a fight. |
Chewbacca Chewy is a big, badass wookie who could literally tear your arms out of the socket. As well, he is smart, agile and incredibly loyal. He could probably take out Dr. Jones himself. Alternate: Luke Skywalker Nothing like a soon-to-be Jedi master and his lightsaber to back you up. Should Han and Chewy fail, one-hand Luke could step in and finish off the petty school teacher. |
|
Transportation (Escape Method) |
Combination of trains, biplanes and mine cars |
Millennium Falcon
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Motivation |
Indy is only interested in finding precious relics and keeping them away from the Nazis. We aren’t even sure that he would want to take on a man of Han’s stature. |
The cause of a rebel. Han is all about doing the wrong thing because it feels so right. We have a feeling that he would probably kick Dr. Jones’ ass just to impress Princess Leia, or perhaps to woo away Marion Ravenwood. Take that, archaeology. |
|
Weapon |
Whip What can you really do with a whip? You can grab things, you can swing from things and you can lash someone’s face pretty bad. Alright, that is pretty dangerous. Revolver Jones at times has been known to bust out his six-shooter and take out a swordsman or two. |
Blaster No lightsaber for Han, but he doesn’t really need one, does he? The blaster will equal any gun from the 1950s. |
|
Girl |
“Marion Ravenwood” (Karen Allen) Not only is she good looking and a supposed tiger in the sack, but Marion Ravenwood can be a hellcat if provoked. Should a sideline catfight break out among the leading ladies, she’s be tearing up golden bikini’s left and right. As well, this is one lady that can hold her liquor. |
“Princess Leia” (Carrie Fisher). Leia’s got the goods, we’ve all seen it. As well, she grew up in high society and holds a title in the government. She is also the (spoiler) descendant of Darth Vader. That has to count for something in a fight, right? |
|
Weakness |
Snakes |
Carbonite |
On top of the items presented in this chart, here are a few other things that we should be thinking about:
What starts the fight?
Does Han have some ancient relic that Indy needs? Did Indy somehow stop the progress of the rebellion? Or does it have something to do with love? Should the fight be fought over a woman, we have a feeling that Han Solo would come out in the end. Jones always was more of a “love em and leave em” sort of dude, whereas Solo was ultimately tamed by the lovely Leia.
Who shoots first?
Jones was never a shoot first sort of guy, that’s why the Nazis always got the drop on him. He preferred to make a run for it. Han… Well, we all know the story there.
Does the quality of hairdo even matter?
We think it does. Advantage Solo.
Our Winner: Han Solo
When we really look at the facts, we are pretty sure that Han Solo would come out of a scrap as the winner. Don’t get us wrong, we love Indiana Jones and we acknowledge the fact that he has been through some serious situations and always seems to come out alive, but when it comes down to a one-on-one dogfight, Han would prevail.
It would certainly be a dirty fight, with both combatants using all sorts of trickery and backhandedness, but in the end there would be no escape for Dr. Jones. He would have to come to hand-to-hand blows at some point. It is there that Solo, the scrappy, veteran soldier would likely put him down.
But that is just what we think…
Who do you think would win in a fight, Indiana Jones or Han Solo? The more operative question: Why?
Original Article by Brian Gibson, additional commentary by Neil Miller.
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