Wolverine Scores Lame-Ass Drugs–And the Movie Might Be In Trouble

Posted by Mister Hand (misterhand@filmschoolrejects.com) on August 20, 2008

I sold Wolverine comics to buy drugs. Seriously. And they weren’t even good drugs.

I was a collector of X-Men comics during the Eighties. During this period, there was a limited edition Wolverine comic produced. It spanned four issues and took place in Japan, and it was awesome.

Around 1993, I was attending college and I was trying to form a rock and roll band. I didn’t want to work, so I sold my limited edition four issue Wolverine comic so I could buy drugs. I think I sold the whole thing for about thirty bucks. Today, it’s probably worth hundreds (if not thousands) of dollars.

And what was I jonesing for? Was it pot? Cocaine? Heroin? Nope. Mini-thins.

That’s right. Over the counter trucker pick-me-uppers. Ephedrine.

Of course now, in my home state at least, you can’t buy ephedrine or even pseudo ephedrine over the counter because so many people use it to make crystal meth. But in my day, it was readily available at the corner convenience store. But it was six bucks a bottle. And since I was taking upwards of twenty a day, it was an expensive habit for a college student with rock and roll aspirations and no job.

The rock and roll band did take off, by the way. Eventually I was able to fund my own ephedrine habit without having to sell off my collectibles. Of course, by then, all of my collectibles that were worth anything had been sold already. But… hey. I was playing rock and roll–drinking every day, popping my ephedrine pills, and getting laid an awful lot. So I can’t complain.

And that’s my rock and roll Wolverine story.

Yuppers. That’s pretty much the gory details, right there.

Wait. There was a reason I started writing this article… Oh yeah!

Turns out, there may be some trouble going down on the set of X-Men Origins: Wolverine (courtesy of Hollywood Elsewhere).

Frankly, I’m shocked that this thing has even gotten to the stage of building sets. When I first heard this and a Magneto movie announced, my immediate reaction was, “It’ll never happen.” It all just sounded like the kind of thing that gets batted around Hollywood for months and then drops off the face of the Earth. However, I suppose with the success of Iron Man and The Dark Knight, the studios are looking to greenlight anything that has the smell of comic book ink.

So, since Wolverine as a solo property kept me good and tingly-haired for a few days way back when, I’m glad his solo story is getting made. But I’m not expecting much. I see it somewhere along the lines of the Ed Norton Incredible Hulk film. It won’t be a bad film at all, and it’ll make some decent money, but it won’t be the next Iron Man, and it’ll probably pale in comparison to the first two X-Men movies.. It’ll have the slight edge over The Incredible Hulk because it won’t have a big, fake-looking CG Hulk running around. But it’s not going to give you that ephedrine-like adrenaline boost that you got when Iron Man blew up the tank.

But I am looking forward to being proven wrong.

I don’t take ephedrine anymore, by the way. That stuff will kill you. I mean, it won’t kill you like crystal meth will kill you, but it’s still a deadly habit and I don’t recommend it to anyone. I knew a girl who had an ephedrine habit for years and now she has a hole in her heart.

A HOLE IN HER HEART!

Take my advice. Stick to heart-healthy beer and vodka, bub.

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