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So there I was, researching a story that our esteemed Film School Rejects editor wanted written on a new Neil Gaiman property, when I realized that I must have been poking a dead pigeon with a stick when the Neil Gaiman ferry left the dock, because I have no idea who that guy is. Everybody talks about him being awesome, and every project associated with him is “Neil Gaiman’s this” and “Neil Gaiman’s that” like he’s Clive Barker or something. But I’m utterly clueless. I’m not dissing the guy. I just don’t know a thing about him.

While I was reading an article on Cinematical about David Slade (Hard Candy, the upcoming 30 Days of Night, which may wind up being the most awesome movie ever) being tapped to direct Gaiman’s Neverwhere (which I’ve never heard of), my eye was drawn to an advertisement for a film called Mr. Woodcock starring Billy Bob Thornton.

Now, here’s something, I thought to myself.

Next thing you know, I’m tooling around the Mr. Woodcock official website. Most of it requires audio and I have no speakers (long story), so I can’t tell you if there was any funniness there or not. But when I imagine Billy Bob Thornton playing a hard-ass, foul-mouthed high school basketball coach, I’m thinking, “Could be cool.”

Or it could be a bunch of warmed over suck. So I started searching for more clues. The film also stars Susan Sarandon, who normally doesn’t star in terrible movies. So that’s a plus. Then again, it also stars Seann William Scott, who has built his career on terrible movies. So that’s a minus.

The director is a guy by the name of Craig Gillespie. His only credits on IMDB include Woodcock, another film not yet released, and another film just announced. The writers have similar maddeningly not-helpful in predicting suckage credits.

So I can’t tell you if Mr. Woodcock is going to suck or not. But the title is pretty funny. Get it? “Wood.” “Cock.” It’s like he’s got a…. thingy… made of… wood.

Shutting up.

Mr. Woodcock is set to release on September 14.

And that Neil Gaiman thing is in pre-production or something.

Damn. Here’s more from the article on Cinematical about Gaiman:

“Gaiman has a number of other adaptations in development or soon to be in development, including the upcoming animated film Coraline, Interworld, Death: The High Cost of Living, Sandman and hopefully one day Good Omens.”

Who the hell is this guy?