Video Proof ‘G.I. Joe’ Ruins Cobra Commander

Posted by Robert Fure (robert@filmschoolrejects.com) on July 7, 2009

CobraCommander

The Japanese trailer for this summer’s impending cluster fuck G.I. Joe is online now and the boys at Cinematical tracked it down for us. In this shorter trailer we get our first glimpse of “The Doctor” played by Joseph Gordon “I Must Have a Gambling Addiction or else I Wouldn’t Have Taken This Role” Levitt, who apparently becomes Cobra Commander. The rest of the trailer is all basically stuff we’ve seen before – Power Ranger suits, Marlon “Wuts it acclarate” Wayans, and generally bad acting. I do appreciate the fireballs, but I refuse to get any semblance of a singular hope up that this film will be good.

While I have your ear, or eyes, let me say this – what the fuck is wrong with this stupid movie? ”The Doctor” is apparently Cobra Commander despite the fact that his name and his appearance clearly mark him as Dr. Mindbender. Seriously. I want to unleash a stream of expletives so Sasha Fierce that I’d be censored by the FCC. This is just mindbending mind bogglingly stupid. Cobra Commander can be a bad ass. He has a look. Either a sweet reflective helmet or a simple yet cool hood. He is not some scared freak with a God damn oxygen mask on. In closing, fuck you Stephen Sommers and fuck you Ellen Mirojnick (Costume Designer).

What do you think of this abomination?

Related Reading:

Comment Policy: No hate speech allowed. If you must argue, please debate intelligently. Comments containing selected keywords or outbound links will be put into moderation to help prevent spam. Film School Rejects reserves the right to delete comments and ban anyone who doesn't follow the rules. We also reserve the right to modify any curse words in your comments and make you look like an idiot. Thank You!

mychaleg

I wonder how much Crytek is getting paid for having their nanosuit design ripped off.

Cole_Abaius

Wow - I couldn't really care less about the film staying true to G.I. Joe, so I equally care very little about whether they've gotten a character's look correct.

The trailers all look like a big, dumb action flick to me. Is that such a bad thing?

RobertFure

Mindless action films have no place in cinema, Cole.

But just because you don't care about GI Joe shouldn't stop you from understanding why the vast fanbase would be upset by this. How upset would you have been if Jurassic Park the movie was about Dr. Bill and his mission to capture a live dinosaur in the Congo? Or if the proposed LiteBrite movie deviates from the true origin?

Cole_Abaius

I understand why the fanbase is upset in the same way that I don't pretend to speak for the fanbase.

But if they fuck up LiteBrite...

chille

I find it a little ironic that you guys rip on this movie so much in your articles yet they chose to give you an exclusive character poster.

RobertFure

Giving us an exclusive poster won't silence (or buy) our opinion. We have a great working relationship with Paramount built on mutual respect, not trading favors. It's how journalism should be.

chille

Makes sense. Great job on getting the exclusive by the way.

Cookie Garris

It's clear the people who made this movie have no clue about G.I.Joe! I wouldn't had known that was cobra commander if you hadn't told me and that's bad!!!

Grant

this is the worst thing ever.

Aleric

The only reason I will even go to see this movie would be to check out Ray Parks action sequences. Even then it will be a matinee.

Only Hollywood could take one of the coolest villians of the last 20 years and fuck him up so much to make him unlikeable.

Video Proof ‘G.I. Joe’ Ruins Cobra Commander

Related Topics:

Related Reading: