Legend among legends, Udo Kier recently told Dread Central (via The Playlist) that he’d be re-teaming with Lars von Trier for the director’s next project, Nymphomaniac. A ton has been written on the movie, specifically the question of whether the sex would be real or simulated and which actors would be engaged in the possibly real or possibly not real fornication. Shia Labeouf seems to believe he’s going to be dipping his wick in the name of art, but the actual methods are still unclear.

The point is, it’s time to stop with all the metaphors and playful puns and just admit what’s going on. If you sign up for this movie, it’s quite possible that you’ll be fucking someone for von Trier. He’s going to be there, telling you when to start having the sex and when to stop having it. Lars von Trier will be telling you how he wants you to have sex. Think about that for a second. Now stop and take a bath.

On this front, who knows what role Kier will play. His involvement is awesome – especially after being a rare bright spot in Melancholia. But, yeah, he’s probably going to have to obstruct someone.