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You may not know the name Elizabeth Eulberg yet, but you will. Especially because I’m about to tell you who she is and explain the integral part she’s played in ruining your life.

That’s a bit dramatic, I know. But Eulberg is the director of global publicity at Little Brown, a position that allowed her to work closely with Twilight author Stephenie Meyer during the construction of said teen vampire phenomenon. She was the one at the helm of the PR campaign that has every American girl under the age of 17 (except the ones that are ‘older than their age’ who are off gettin’ it on with college dudes) choosing between Team Edward and Team Jacob.

To top it all off, Eulberg has just sold the rights to her forthcoming book The Lonely Hearts Club to Mandalay Pictures, who hopes to turn it into the next big thing. The book’s story begins when a heartbroken teen comes to the conclusion that most high school boys are total jerks and declares herself founding member of said club, refusing to date again until graduation. Other girls quickly join, taking the same oath and forming a movement that throws the high school into an uproar.

Hmm… So if the ‘waiting before turning her into a vampire’ theme in Twilight was all about abstinence, what is this about? Sounds about the same, to me. Alas, even though it’s probably just another abstinence commercial captured on celluloid, it will likely catch on. I feel for this young generation of high school-aged boys who are (a) not a vampire and (b) not one of the Jonas Brothers. They must have it rough.

The book begins flying off shelves on December 29th, sporting “a terrific female empowerment message to a younger set,” says Scarlett Lacy, who is overseeing the project at Mandalay. She added: “(Eulberg has an) amazing insight into an entire generation of young women and their desires.”