Humor
Top 10 Places You Should Never Visit, According to Hollywood
Posted by Kevin Carr (kevin@filmschoolrejects.com) on April 3, 2008
If Hollywood ran a travel agency, they’d really suck at it. Think of all the places around the world that they have trashed for sake of a good (or even tired) plot point.
With this week’s release of The Ruins, about a bunch of kids that are infested with evil weeds while visiting a Mayan temple in Mexico, we are reminded of the other places that Hollywood has warned us about in the past. You won’t see this stuff on a AAA brochure.
10. Antarctica, as depicted in The March of the Penguins (2005)
Not that the Antarctan Department of Travel and Tourism is making a big push for this any time, but films like Penguins (and, for that matter, Eight Below) remind us that it is as cold as balls on the bottom of the world, and only the majestic Emperor penguins can handle it. (Of course, if you believe Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth, this might soon be a new tropical paradise.)
9. Kazakhstan, as depicted in Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006)
It was a funny movie, and most people with a brain realize that Sacha Baron Cohen was satirizing Americans more than he was people from Kazakhstan. But do we really want to take a chance running into Urkin, the town rapist?
8. Colombia, as depicted in Romancing the Stone (1984) and Collateral Damage (2002)
We’ve all heard that South America is a hotbed of rebel fighting and war atrocities. I’m sure there’s some great places to visit, but if you’re a romance writer trying to find her kidnapped sister or a firefighter bent on revenge, you might want to avoid the place.
7. Texas, as depicted in The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
In reality, we know that Ed Gein (whom Leatherface was based on) was from Wisconsin, but the motion picture persona of the chainsaw-wielding psychopath left people terrified to stray from the interstate while driving through the Lone Star State.
6. Brazil, as depicted in Turistas (2006)
Need a kidney? Or a spleen? Why not try the lucrative world of human organ trafficking? Whether or not you believe this concept to be an urban legend, would you blindly follow someone into the jungle of Brazil and not worry they might take your liver?
5. Burma, as depicted in Rambo (2008)
Shock cinema and high-octane action met this January on the movie screen. Sylvester Stallone’s restart of his successful Rambo series came on strong with a tortuous look at the war zone in Burma. The scariest thing is that these atrocities happen every day.
4. New Mexico, as depicted in The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
I’ve driven through the dusty roads, off the beaten path in New Mexico, and when the sun is setting and there’s not another car in sight, you can’t help but think mutants might just come out of the hills for a rape-and-murder rampage.
3. Mexico City, as depicted in Man on Fire (2004) and Secuestro Express (2005)
As we reach the top of the list, more and more of these dangers are real and less of them are manufactured by Hollywood. Kidnapping in Mexico City is a real and dangerous thing. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but if you’re a drunk gringo, stumbling around with your wallet hanging out, you just might make yourself a target.
2. Slovakia, as depicted in Hostel (2005)
This travel terror actually made news when Hostel made it big at the box office. I don’t know if the film impacted the Slovakian tourism market, but it definitely caused some waves between director Eli Roth and the Slovakian parliament. Incidentally, Roth has said he got the idea of people purchasing humans for fun torture from a real web site, but it wasn’t from Slovakia.
1. Sierra Leone, as depicted in Blood Diamond (2006) and Tears of the Sun (2003)
For a while, there were plenty of movies (including The Constant Gardener and Tsotsi) coming out that basically told us to stay away from Africa completely. But it is the civil war and military unrest in Sierra Leone that is really taking place that makes this country the number one choice to avoid in your world tour vacation.
HONORABLE MENTION
Paris and New York, as depicted in Armageddon (1998) and Deep Impact (1998) – Let’s face it, if Earth is going to be hit with an asteroid or comet, these are the first cities it’s going to take out.
Mexico, as depicted in The Ruins (2008) – We haven’t seen this movie because they didn’t do advanced screenings for critics, but I’m sure it ain’t pretty what goes down.
Read more articles by Kevin Carr
24 Comments
April 3rd, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Knowing a bit about foreign affairs, I’d like to point out the disclaimer that some of these are fair calls.
For instance, you shouldn’t be visiting Colombia, Sierra Leone or Texas. One for rival terror organizations, one for civil war and the other because of the amount of ribs you’ll be forced to eat.
April 3rd, 2008 at 6:01 pm
I summer in Sierra Leon and winter in Burma. But then again I have little regard for human life and will do anything for a payday.
Wink.
April 3rd, 2008 at 6:07 pm
The scariest thing is that many of these places do have a tourism department. That image at the top is really from Kazakhstan, and if you Google “Visit Sierra Leone,” you do find a tourism page.
Book your trip now!
April 4th, 2008 at 9:11 am
what about “Old” Detroit from Robocop?
April 4th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Hey, Kevin!
Secuestro Express was filmed in Caracas, Venezuela.
April 4th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
What about Bangor, Maine the site of all Stephen King stories.
April 4th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
I’m suprised that you decided to overlook Midnight Express, to be brief the movie basically depicted all Turks as monsters. In fact The real Billy Hayes (the film’s protagonist) as well as Oliver Stone have since apologised to the people of Turkey for the films portrayal of Turks and Turkey.
April 4th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Seriously? You left out West Virginia? There are at least 5 movies that should scare the poo out of anyone even thinking of coming here with more on the way. Just sayin’… Wrong Turn, Silent Hill, Deliverance, Mothman, and the upcoming “Shelter.” It’s like being beat into a gang, if you believe Hollywoods narrow, ignorant perspective, WV is to sophisticated for you.
April 4th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Dude, c’mon… SECUESTRO EXPRESS is filmed in my hometown of Caracas, Venezuela. What happened there? (and yet, scarily accurate, sadly…)
April 4th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Awesome list, I bet this could go for pages. Like Egypt in Mummy
April 4th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Film school rejects is a fitting site name, clearly. Obviously you’ve never done any real
traveling to there places. I’ve been to Brazil, Colombia, Mexico City, and Slovakia - they are
all places worth going to during your lifetime. You seem so ignorant basing your decisions
off of movies. You sound like a typical American. Maybe you are just a xenophobe - but no
one who has done any real traveling would take this advice. Peel yourself from your
television, get a passport, go to the library and read a book, or take some action that would
educate you rather then taking lessons from movies. What credibility do you have? You
should see some foreign films sometimes…maybe you wouldn’t want to even visit the
United States if you applied your shallow logic…and you would realize that it is not at all an
accurate judgement.
April 4th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
tercero? you didn’t thought about reading the heading?
April 4th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Haha nice list, but I must question your accuracy on satirical content, as Secuestro Express was filmed in… well.. Caracas, Venezuela, my hometown, and had NOTHING to do with Hollywood. It was based on a true story that was close to the director of the actual film, nationally produced, and sadly, it is an accurate depiction of the city and what goes on every day, with the exception of the kidnapping, which doesn’t happen every day, but pretty often. I thought you’d know Mexico City is a… mm… few miles away from Caracas!
April 4th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Secuestro Express takes place in Caracas, Venezuela. The movie in fact has no connection and nothing to do with Mexico City, Mexico.
Sorry to trouble,
John D.
April 4th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
“We’ve all heard that South America is a hotbed of rebel fighting and war atrocities.”
I live in South America (a big, big place full of many different countries) and have never
bumped into a rebel nor witnessed war atrocities (in fact there’s no war here as far as I
know, but maybe I’m not well informed). Please indicate me where should I be looking to for
these amusements.
April 4th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
For the record, the civil war in Sierra Leone has been over since 2002. They recently held their first free elections last year.
I had the opportunity to spend some time in Sierra Leone during my winter break, and while it is devastatingly poor, it is a relatively safe place to travel to. The worst that will happen is you will be overcharged if you look like an American/non-African. This is easily remedied by having a guide take you everywhere. ;)
April 5th, 2008 at 1:29 am
Why does everyone thinks Mexico City is really dangerous? Ive been robbed 3 times in USA, and 0 in all Mexico.
April 5th, 2008 at 3:48 am
And what about Panama as depicted in Prison Break?
Kazakhstan as depicted in Borat is actually Romania, a place you definitely do not want to visit regardless of its recent EU accession.
April 5th, 2008 at 4:09 am
There is a place worst of all.
Place where people die from gunshots every day.
Place where students get killed on universities.
Place where racism and hatred are normal behavior.
I would never wanna go there.
You guessed, it’s usa.
April 5th, 2008 at 8:26 am
Probably the lamest “top ten” list ive read in a while. bored to tears i couldnt even finish it.
flame away.
April 6th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Actually Burma is now known as Myanmar. And yes it is a living hell hole. The atrocities depicted against Karen State in the new Rambo movie are tame compared to what really happens there.
And yes, Africa is a s*** hole. Almost all of it. No offense to the few normal…er…stable…well, the few nations that aren’t outright anarchic sess pools, but the majority of Africa is a horrible, horrible hell. 85% of Africa is in some form of war, not just domestic violence (Not wife beatings, but gang wars and such). 9/10 Africans have some sort of communicable disease. It is a well known fact that any ships within 20 miles of the African coast are more then likely to be attacked by pirates (Not the lovable Johnny Depp kind either, the chop your head off in front of your wife and daughter and then rape the Mrs’s kind).
Outside of the major cities in Mexico there is no Mexican government. It’s a real hit or miss on that one.
Most former Soviet Bloc countries are dangerous, since the governments are not really in control and the people are wild and dangerous, at least outside of the capitals (Exemptions of course, being Ukraine, Poland, and the Baltic countries).
And South America is also a hit or miss area. Odds are nothing extreme will happen to you like in Turistas, but there is a lot of organized gang war going on down there, and outside of the capital and tourist cities there is no government presence, meaning no protection services for non-locals. Even in Guyana, a country basically controlled by France with a large contingent of French Foreign Legion troops, there is real danger. Bodies still float by FFL encampments on a regular basis…
So, really, what I’m trying to say is, VISIT BRITAIN TODAY!!! Culture, security, history, we got it all!
http://www.traveluk.uk
April 7th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Here is a better list, based on statistics: http://www.castlerockinternational.com/news/casualty-insurance/casualty-categories/47-kidnap-and-ransom-insurance/104-top-10-kidnap-rated-countries-with-ransom-stats
April 28th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
I have to state I can not believe the Middle East was not on the list of places not to visit or vacation. We all know that this is the most dangerous combative place to be now with the war going on, so I am curios why this was not on Hollywoods list when they are movie out now about the war in the Middle East??
May 5th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Blood Diamond made me anxious to visit