The Reject Report Hears a Who!

Posted by John Cairns (jcairns@filmschoolrejects.com) on March 13, 2008

Welcome to another thrilling, death-defying edition of The Reject Report. We’ve got three new wide releases this weekend and one of them, Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who!, is opening in so many theaters that it is a joke. If Horton Hears a Who! is not playing in your city, well, guess what, your city is probably too small. Or maybe your city is located in Afghanistan. Whatever. Anyway, we shall get right to it, starting with Dr. Seuss.

Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who! is from the folks at Fox and is opening in a massive 3,954 theaters this weekend. The people behind it are the same CGI geniuses who brought you the hit Ice Age, so that’s a very positive sign right there. Dr. Seuss himself penned the classic book way back in 1954. This, of course, is the well-known tale of this elephant Horton who hears a cry for help coming from a tiny speck of dust that flies through the air. It turns out this speck is populated by the Whos and Whoville. These Whos ask Horton to protect them from harm, to which Horton agrees. Of course, all Horton’s friends in the animal kingdom think he’s crazy. That’s what the story is about. There is an all-star cast of voices associated with the movie including Jim Carrey as Horton and Steve Carell as The Mayor of Whoville. Other voices include Isla Fisher, Amy Poehler, Jesse McCartney, Will Arnett, Jonah Hill(!), Jaime Pressly (!!), Carol Burnett, Seth Rogen(!), and many others.

Obviously this is going to be the Number One hit in the land based on the massive theater count and the obvious anticipation. People have not only been hungry for family entertainment: they are hungry for any kind of decent movie, period! Look at the duds that have littered the theaters in recent weeks! Some real God-awful turkeys. Fortunately, it looks as if an actual effort was made with this flick, directed by Jimmy Hayward and Steve Martino. This looks like a movie that could fall in the $45-$50 million range. I will say that we’ll see a weekend take of $50 million for Horton Hears a Who! Besides, Alvin and the Chipmunks did really well not too long ago, to the surprise of pretty much everyone. If Alvin did so well, there is no excuse for Horton to do poorly. No excuse at all. Methinks we have here a really big hit.

Next we have Never Back Down, which is breaking some new ground as a movie focusing on the dangerous world of mixed martial arts. It’s about this kid Jake Tyler (Sean Faris) who moves to a new neighbourhood who suffers a humiliating beating, but with the help of a veteran fighter to train him (Djimon Hounsou), he comes back to try and take down his nemesis in an elimination bout known as “The Beatdown.” Cam Gigandet plays the nemesis, and the girl they are both fighting over is Amber Heard. Yes, it’s two guys getting into fights over a girl. These females cause nothing but trouble, don’t they?

Frankly, just based on the trailer alone this movie looks really stupid. Really, really stupid. I wouldn’t be surprised if this only gets about $7 million, because the trailer was just that stinking awful. I’d put the take even lower, but it’s in 2,729 theaters so I have to think that will boost the box office somewhat. Besides, mixed martial arts has its fans. Still, the marketing for this picture blows. Anyway, that’s Never Back Down.

Finally, from Rogue Pictures we have Doomsday, a sci-fi/horror picture that’s getting quite of bit of interest from fans of the genre, from writer/director Neil Marshall. In 2008 there is a massive plague that infects the population in Britain. The infected are forced into containment in Scotland where they are left to die. Fast-forward to 25 years later. Containment has failed. The virus is back, and a crew of people fighting the disease must go up to the hot zone to where it all started, and try and find a way to get a cure for this virus. Of course they find a motley crew of characters up there, waiting to kill them. Rhona Mitra and Bob Hoskins are in the flick.

This movie opens in about 2,000 theaters and looks as if it will get something in the $7.5 million range. I gotta say, though, when I saw the trailer I thought it looked like the sequel to 28 Weeks Later. I really thought it was the sequel! It didn’t look like it was that original a concept to me. Incidentally, the total cowards at Rogue Pictures decided not to screen this movie for critics. A sure sign of doom, pardon the pun.

Heck, it can’t be any worse than 10,000 B.C., right? I looked up Rotten Tomatoes and found out that turd of a movie had dropped again to only a 6 per cent rating. Six per cent!!! Expect 10,000 B.C. to take a massive tumble right into the gravel pit after last week’s critical slaughter.

Here’s a prediction of this weekend at the US box office:

1 HORTON HEARS A WHO $50 million
2 10,000 B.C. $15 million
3 DOOMSDAY $7.5 million
4 NEVER BACK DOWN $7 million
5 COLLEGE ROAD TRIP $6.8 million
6 VANTAGE POINT $5 million
7 THE BANK JOB $3.5 million
8 SEMI-PRO $3.3 million
9 THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES $3 million
10 THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL $2.7 million

There you have it! Back at weekend’s end once we hear who wins at the box office here at the Reject Report!

Read more articles by John Cairns