Ten Crazy Bitches That Are Worth The Risk

Posted by Fat Guys at the Movies (fatguys@filmschoolrejects.com) on October 5, 2007

With the release of The Heartbreak Kid, the Fat Guys got to wondering if it would be worth the risk to deal with the craziness of Malin Akerman’s character in order to nail her. After all, guys around the world deal with crazy bitches in real life just because they’re hot.

This inspired us to come up with a list of ten crazy bitches in movies that are worth the risk. They might just be an off-kilter girlfriend that will leave you emotionally damaged. Others might be whack-job psychopaths that might leave us dead. In any respect, these are the nutso ladies in cinema and their “issues” that we’d bravely face for a night of passion.

Also, please note that the ladies are listed in alphabetical order, not necessarily in order of hotness or craziness.

1. Malin Akerman as Lila in The Heartbreak Kid

What’s Ben Stiller’s problem? We’re not saying that we’d marry this girl, but if she wants a little bit of rough sex, we wouldn’t say no. A little experimentation can be fun.

2. Helena Bonham Carter as Marla Singer in Fight Club (and in Tim Burton’s life)

Yup, she’s a homewrecker, but Ms. Carter must be a firecracker in the sack. Fight Club’s Marla is totally imbalanced, but there was something bizarrely alluring about her psychosis.

3. Glenn Close as Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction

Sure, Glenn Close from today isn’t going to cut it, but the sexy siren who boils rabbits in this classic 80s thriller was like a roller coaster that just might kill you.

4. Isla Fisher as Gloria Cleary in Wedding Crashers

Gloria was the perfect package. She was beautiful, nuts and had a ferocious sexual appetite. And it didn’t hurt that she was just having some fun. We’ve been scouring weddings for years trying to find one like her.

5. Louise Jameson as Leela in Doctor Who

We know that the Doctor Who serials from the 70s weren’t theatrical films, but Fat Guy Kevin Carr had to give a shout-out to the Doctor’s trusty companion from the savage planet. This Shakespearean actress who pranced around in a loincloth left so many young boys with a new view of the world.

6. Famke Janssen as Xenia Onatopp in Goldeneye

I suppose we would be killed in a romantic rendezvous with Xenia Onatopp, but what a way to go!

7. Piper Perabo as Paulie Oster in Lost and Delirious

Fat Guy Neil Miller made a case for Ohio University graduate Piper Perabo as the nut-job lesbian in this indie classic. It’d be okay to not necessarily be involved and just watch, we suppose.

8. Winona Ryder as Veronica Sawyer in Heathers

Before she became a hardened criminal and embarrassed the shit out of herself in Girl, Interrupted by singing Negro spirituals in a bathtub, Ryder was the quintessential crazy bitch who went on an accidental murderous rampage with Christian Slater. Yup, she’d be worth it.

9. Sharon Stone as Catherine Tramell in Basic Instinct

In the early 1990s, Sharon Stone helped redefine the term “crazy bitch” in the movies. And she was also younger and hotter than she is today. Who wouldn’t risk an ice pick in the neck to be tied up by this vixen?

10. Uma Thurman as Jenny Johnson/G-Girl in My Super Ex-Girlfriend

We’ve all dealt with some whacko ex-girlfriends, so all guys understand the terror they’d feel if the ex had superpowers. But let’s not think about the aftermath. Let’s think about how things were before the break-up. It just might be worth getting a shark thrown in your living room.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Alyson Hannigan as Michelle Flaherty in American Pie – Most people just remember her as the crazy flute girl from this 1999 classic. But we remember her “Say my name, bitch?” scene when she finally gets it on with Jason Biggs.

Chris Tucker as Ruby Rhod in The Fifth Element, Kevin’s a bit confused (and creeped out) by this one, but Neil demanded that he be on the list, as Tucker did come off a bit crazy and bitchy in the film. Oh well, we won’t judge, even though Neil seems to have a thing for Chris Tucker in leopard-print spandex.

| | Read more articles by Fat Guys at the Movies