Johnny Five is still alive. And unfortunately, he’s in the hands of a Mall Cop director.

Dimension Films has signed Steve Carr (Paul Blart: Mall Cop) to direct Short Circuit, the remake of the 1986 sci-fi film starring Ally Sheedy and Steve Guttenberg. This abomination, er, remake will be penned by Robot Chicken scribe Dan Milano, and will bring Johnny 5 (originally voiced by Tim Blaney) into the 21st century. This time around, Number 5 will be a highly sophisticated military weapon who develops a conscience and personality after being struck by lightning. But instead of making friends with a babe on par with Ms. Sheedy, Johnny 5 will this time be connecting with a lonely boy and his fractured family.

In a syllable, ugh. As a major fan of the original movie, I reserve comment out of sheer unadulterated anger. Please join me in protest below.