It turns out there’s a Nicolas Cage movie out there that is ready to be watched, but has been sitting on the shelf waiting for distribution. Why there haven’t been alarm bells sounding, protests happening in the streets, and 24/7 coverage from media outlets the entire time this atrocity was occurring is beyond me, but apparently we can all stop (not) panicking. Deadline Lomita is reporting that Cage’s next film, Seeking Justice (once known as The Hungry Rabbit Jumps), has been acquired by Anchor Bay and is set for a U.S. release on March 16th of next year. Let’s all take a moment to silently thank Anchor Bay.

(Thanks, Anchor Bay.)

News of a new Nic Cage movie is usually reason for celebration enough, no matter what the particulars of the project are, but this time there’s another big reason why I’ve now got Seeking Justice’s release date circled on my calendar with a big red heart. In this Roger Donaldson-directed thriller, Cage plays a mild-mannered teacher whose life changes when his wife is brutally assaulted. While that sounds awfully bleak, the good news here is that January Jones is playing the wife. That’s right, the man who’s never met a chance to overact he didn’t like and the stone-faced creep who’s never experienced a human emotion will be playing a married couple on the big screen. The results should be like a car crash being interrupted by a train wreck all while a woman breast feeds in public: I won’t be able to take my eyes off of them.

Also, there’s something in the movie about a shady figure approaching Cage’s character and offering to dispense immediate street justice on the punks who hurt his wife, and the dude is played by Guy Pearce, who is an awesome and underused actor; but I don’t have any time to focus on stuff like that. Nic Cage and January Jones are going to pretend like they’re married! Coming to a theater near you!