Out Comes Dumbledore

Posted by Maggie Van Ostrand (maggie@filmschoolrejects.com) on October 23, 2007

When J.K. Rowling announced at Carnegie Hall that Dumbledore was gay, she did a great service to closet organizers everywhere. The doors are open now, folks, and South Park didn’t have to do a thing. They can now leave Tom Cruise alone and pick on someone their own size.

Rowling went on to explain that “Dumbledore was smitten with rival Gellert Grindelwald, whom he defeated long ago in a battle between good and bad wizards. “Falling in love can blind us to an extent,” Rowling said of Dumbledore’s feelings, adding that Dumbledore was “horribly, terribly let down.”

Dumbledore’s love, she observed, was his “great tragedy.”

“Oh, my god,” Rowling concluded with a laugh, “the fan fiction.”

This certainly gives new dimensions to the meaning of the word Headmaster.

Now that Dumbledore has been outted, can other fictional characters be far behind? There are plenty of fans who have wondered for years about Spiderman. C’mon, if he were straight, would he wear that outfit?

Don’t call this in to TMZ yet, but we heard that Wonder Woman has a thing for redheads and has been seen giving some pretty sexy looks in the direction of Wilma Flintstone. And that’s not all.

If it’s true that we can soon expect an announcement by Michael Bay that Optimus Prime and an anonymous male transformer were seen humping in the corner of a Qatar delicatessen, we can certainly expect sex to be at least noisier than ever before. Rumor has it that they had to be separated by a giant can of WD-40.

Good old J.K. Rowling — most authors sooner or later let the cat out of the bag, but she went one better and let the head out of the closet.

Read more articles by Maggie Van Ostrand