Guy Ritchie has made Horoscope’s cool. In only that way that Guy Ritchie can make British vulgarity cool.

The producers of RocknRolla, released on DVD today, have come up with the RocknRollascope — a horoscope for the rocknrolla inside all of us. Basically like any horoscope you enter your birthday and your name, sit through a commercial for RocknRolla‘s DVD release, and hear a British punk read your horoscope for the day.

I was born in July of 1983, so I’m a cancer…Here’s what RocknRolla’s hipster douche had to say about me:

“I spent all last night with a cancer who told me I was shut down and couldn’t express myself…what a bunch of windgers (sp)!”

“You’re a cancer, such a sensitive sort. Don’t be gettin all blubbery, it makes my bits shrivel.”

“Cancer? OH….Lucky you. Named after a horrible disease…way to go.”

“Just ‘cuz you’re a cancer doesn’t mean you have to be so soddy crabby. Get it? Crabby? … Oh piss off.”

So British. So funny. Go check it out, if nothing else it’s about as funny as the movie.

What does your RocknRollascope say today?