New G.I. Joe Character Photos: The Epic Failure Continues

Posted by Neil Miller (neil@filmschoolrejects.com) on January 30, 2009

gijoe-characters1

Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse for the production of Stephen Sommers’ G.I. Joe movie… this happens. Above you will find a series of character identification cards for some of the film’s supporting characters. Over at Hisstank.com there are a number of high resolution cards for these new characters as well as some that were already revealed. The above image was assembled by Pete over at /Film. From left to right we have Saïd Taghmaoui as Breaker (the Joe team communications specialist), a Cobra Viper (enemy ground soldier), Joseph Gordon-Levitt as The Doctor (aka Cobra commander) and finally Arnold Vosloo as Zartan, the master of disguise.

Let’s all take a moment and allow these images to soak in…

Now, here are my thoughts: Does anyone else feel really bad for Joseph Gordon-Levitt? I for one hope that he got a truck-load of money for this role, because he is so obviously above all of this crap. These photos continue to show off the cheesy appearance of this film, one that is a risky play as I’m not sure fans are really looking for the live-action cartoon version of G.I. Joe. I can’t speak for all of them, but I have a good feeling that their looking for something cool and a tad realistic. Everything we’ve seen from this production so far is making fellow toy franchise adaptation Transformers look like a masterful work of cinema.

For good measure, check out an even higher resolution version of the The Doctor’s I.D. badge below. G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra slithers into theaters on August 7, 2009.

gijoe-doctorbadge


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  • Who in the what now?? Are fifth-graders making this movie??

    Are we getting punk'd? Ashton! Come out from behind the bushes right this instant!
  • I'm holding a bat in case he comes out. Here bata bata bata!!
  • Since the verbage on the ID sounds like it was written by a sophomore in high school, I decided to translate it into French and then back into English:

    "The doctor is a brilliant scientist that always develops the last technologies to help the efforts of James McCullen and of Industries of March. Certain of its experiences treat the spirit check. .. Other and questionable acts."

    Much, much better.
  • I REFUSE TO BELIEVE ANY OF THIS IT IS A HORRIBLE WAKING NIGHTMARE. I REJECT YOUR REALITY AND SUBMIT MY OWN. In my own reality, Cobra Commander is Cobra Commander and not a reject Dr. Mindbender are you FUCKING KIDDING ME.

    Capital letters cannot express my utter rage.
  • This movie is going to do decently, MAYBE, in the first weekend from fanboy support. Then it's to hell for Joe.
  • Arou101
    I think they're attempting to squeeze some Watchmen viral marketing out of this... but Watchmen viral marketing is cheeky and fun, this shit is just sad.
  • Chris
    Is Breaker that guy who played Pedro in Napolean Dynamite? And Zartan... Jesus! Master of Disguise? Really? 'Cause he looks like one of those military recruiters you'd see hanging around the mall by the Boardwalk Fries.

    Wow. This is just... wow.
  • I joked in an earlier post comparing this movie to the "classic" Megaforce. Now I'm thinking that's an insult to Megaforce.
  • is this a kids movie?
  • Weak...weak!!!
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