Movie News

New Friday The 13th Movie In The Works

Posted by Mister Hand (misterhand@filmschoolrejects.com) on September 18, 2007

Oh, just stop it. I mean… really.

First of all, the original Friday the 13th was nothing but a pale imitator of countless slasher flicks that were pale imitators of John Carpenter’s Halloween, which itself was nothing but a pretty good imitator of Dario Argento (The Bird with the Crystal Plumage, Deep Red Hatchet Murders).

So now Shock Till You Drop.com announces that Platinum Dunes is working on a remake of the film that is a basic reworking of a genre invented some thirty-odd years ago and filtered by a decade of derivative crap.

Awesome. Totally can’t wait.

I will admit that I enjoyed Freddy vs. Jason very much. I can’t really tell you why. The film seemed to have an abundance of healthy gusto despite the fact that it centered around a pair of overrated horror icons. But it had the added advantage of giving us that “cross-universe” vibe that tickles geeks like me to the bone, evoking memories of many a Marvel Team-Up magazine. And it was chock full pound for pound with more pure entertainment than any of the sequels from either franchise had been able to muster for many years.

So the good news is, the writing team that brought Freddy vs. Jason into being is going to be responsible for resurrecting the seven foot tall, hockey masked mass murderer. So if you’re a teenager, and you’re planning on having some premarital sex in a cabin in the woods, watch out. Jason may be out there, ready to bring moral retribution upon you.

On the Side: You have to wonder. What was it like in the days before the rise of what Rober Ebert has termed “the dead teenager movie?” I’ll bet back then you could seduce a girl and take her into the woods in the dead of night without having her get all freaked out over every single little noise that could possibly be the footsteps of a killer’s work boots. If I had a nickel for every time in high school some girl said to me, “I’m scared that we’ll be killed by a crazed maniac for committing a deadly sin–let’s go back to the bonfire,” I’d be a rich man by now. And would have probably produced a lot of unwanted offspring.

I suppose I feel cheated by Jason Voorhees for denying me the opportunity to bring forth lots of unwanted offspring.

Damn you Jason Voorhees. Damn you to hell.