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Paramount Pictures has picked up a script from writer/director Mike White called Santa Wars, a comedy based on the true story of rival factions that developed within a union of professional Santa Clauses who become arch enemies during a Santa Claus civil war, according to Variety.

Stop. Hold the presses for a moment. You mean to tell me that this really happened? There was really a Santa Claus civil war between mall Santas? I can’t believe that I wasn’t told until just now. I need to pay more attention to the news. Here’s a description of the original story from Chicago Public Radio, which we found via /Film:

A tale of two Santas. There’s Tim Conaghan, a full-time professional Santa with a big belly and a real flowing white beard. And there’s Santa Nick—he too has a belly and real white beard. But the story of Santa Tim and Santa Nick is not like most uplifting Christmas parables. Instead, it’s about two men, very much alike, who came to lead rival factions in a bitter Santa civil war, and came themselves to be arch enemies. Josh Bearman reports on the political schism that’s overtaken the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas.

Also via our friends at /Film, is the 27-minute long segment of This American Life which talks about this wild news story. Just fast forward to the 22:30 mark.

Sounds hilarious, if you ask me.