Movie News
Macy, Walken and Freeman Team Up? Don’t Get Too Excited…
Posted by Mister Hand (misterhand@filmschoolrejects.com) on September 19, 2007
William H. Macy, Christopher Walken, and Morgan Freeman.
That sounds like an awesome match up, doesn’t it? The only thing I could imagine more badass would be Spider-Man, Batman, and Wolverine. But there’s some off-putting details to accompany the news that these three powerhouses will star in a movie together, as reported by Variety.
First of all, the writer of the film in question (at this time entitled The Lonely Maiden) is Michael LeSieur, who penned the perfectly awful You, Me, and Dupree. And the director is Peter Hewitt.
Okay, if you don’t know who Peter Hewitt is, at this time, I would like for you to open a new browser window, go to IMDb, and check out his credits. Go ahead. I’ll wait. I’ll be here humming “Hold On Tight to Your Dream” by ELO, which I heard on a car commercial last night and haven’t been able to get out of my head since. Really, it’s driving me crazy. This is the sort of stuff that makes for disgruntled postal workers. I’ll bet you any amount of money if we could interview some postal worker who went on a killing spree, he would tell you that just before he snapped he got some ELO song stuck in his head.
Okay, back to Peter Hewitt. Did you go to IMDb yet? Did you see it? Bwah-hahahahahahahaha!
I’m sorry. I could have simply told you that he was the director of Garfield and Zoom, but it’s far more hilarious when you make the discovery for yourself, isn’t it? Let’s hop into a time machine and travel forward to the day of The Lonely Maiden’s release and check out some of the reviews:
“Despite the undeniably charismatic presence of the three leads, this movie sucks balls.”
–Roger Ebert
“Macy, Freeman, and Walken are to be commended for their efforts as they try to rise above the pedestrian material, but nevertheless, this movie sucks my big fat sweaty ball sack.”
–Stephen Hunter
“The teaming of the three leads is a film fan’s dream casting, but all I could think while watching this movie was that I’ve got six layers of cheese under my balls and this crap sucks them all like a hungry lion cub nursing a tit.”
–Kenneth Turan
The film is set to begin shooting on November 12. With any luck, the strike will cancel it so we can continue to respect all three of these excellent actors.
On the Side: No matter how badly this movie is doomed to suck, Morgan Freeman is still our finest living American actor. So if you’re reading this Morgan, just know that I will forgive. I will always forgive.
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