Kathy Griffin Censored Following God’s Puzzling Refusal to Smite Her

Posted by Mister Hand (misterhand@filmschoolrejects.com) on September 12, 2007 Share

Kathy Griffin, according to Yahoo News, will have her Emmy acceptance speech censored when it airs on E! and Fox this weekend. In her speech, she said, “a lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus.” Kathy is reported to have made other “off-color” remarks in regards to Jesus.

It didn’t take long for the Catholic League to come out and deem Griffin’s remarks “hate speech.” Apparently, Jesus is not so all-powerful, seeing as how He is utterly incapable of defending Himself (okay, I’m done with capitalizing the pronouns now, what a pain) against the “attacks” of a comedian. I mean, what sort of God is this to worship if he gets all butthurt over an Emmy acceptance speech?

You know who wouldn’t abide a minute of this shit? Thor. Thor would have brought the hammer down on Kathy Griffin like a mighty pile driver from the peak of Mount Olympus (I know, I know–I’m mixing mythologies). And Zeus? Forget about it. Griffin wouldn’t have completed her first sentence before she would have found herself munching on a hot lightning bolt salad.

But forget all that. Who in the hell thinks God would bother watching the Emmys? Do you want to know who cares about the Emmy’s? Nobody. And most especially not God. Furthermore, Griffin categorizes herself as a D-List celebrity. Don’t you think God’s got better things to do than worry about what some D-lister has to say about him or his son?

John Lennon. Now there was an A-lister. And after he said the Beatles were “more popular than Jesus,” it still took God over a decade to get around to smiting him. And God didn’t even have the balls to do it in person. He used some crazy guy so he could have plausible deniability. Why? Because he recognized that the Beatles were, indeed, more popular than Jesus and people might get pissed off.

So if God’s hardly worried about this stuff (evidenced by the distinct lack of immediate smiting), why the hell is Bill Donohue of the Catholic League so up in a snit?

Bill, if your God can’t take care of himself, maybe it’s time to move on to a new, far more badass imaginary friend.