Jurassic Park Jumps the Shark

Posted by J.L. Sosa (jorge@filmschoolrejects.com) on August 13, 2007

jp4.jpg

It’s official. The “Jurassic Park” franchise is as good as extinct.

Bloody-Disgusting has revealed some plot speculation for the fourth film.

From Bloody-Disgusting:

Universal Pictures has officially begun casting for Jurassic Park IV, which will film in Kauai, Hawaii later this year! Laura Dern confirmed her return to the franchise as Dr. Ellie Sattler here as Sam Neill will NOT return. We’re told that the film is about the government who has trained dinosaurs to carry weapons and use them for battle purposes.

This is dangerously close to Dr. Evil’s “sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads.”

The only way I can see this working is if they cast Snakes on a Plane veteran Samuel Jackson opposite Laura Dern, and fully embrace the cheese.


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  • Mister Hand
    Oh... my... GOD! COME ON SOSA! What's the matter with you? DINOSAURS WITH GUNS sounds like the kewlest JURASSIC PARK ever!! I'm dead serious, I haven't been this excited about a movie since Peter Jackson's April Fool's Joke about a KING KONG sequel set on an island with Nazi mad scientists. I mean, really--Jackson's April Fool's Joke would have been ten times better than his KONG remake if it was real.

    Just in case you're wondering, there's not a smidge of sarcasm in what I wrote above. And I'm really being serious. I can't wait to see Dern go toe-to-toe with a mini-gun-wielding velociraptor.
  • Sam Jackson would be an awesome addition. If you remember, he was killed in the original Jurassic Park.... but maybe he could come back as a genetic Sam Jackson/Velociraptor hybrid, running around shreiking, "EEEEEEeeeeeeaaaa! Muthu Fucka!"
  • Mister Hand
    "What... does a Tyrannasaurus Rex... LOOK like?!"

    "Wh--what?"

    "What ain't no paddock I ever heard of!"
  • For the love of god, please make this film. CGI Dinos + Guns + war of the dinos vs humans = box office smash.
  • Dave Mek
    Hey, does anyone remember those cartoon movies/series Dino Riders. Set in the distant future, the good guys are chasing some evil alien guys back in time and they crash land in prehistoric earth. Without fuel (and their equivalency of a flux capacitor) they use crystals to mind control the dinosaurs and adapt their laser beam weapons to be controlled by the dinosaurs. The good guys get all the herbivore dinosaurs (brontosaurus, stegosaurus), while the bad guys control all of the carnivores (t-rex, raptor). Why dont we just make THIS movie instead, live action of course.
  • Alex
    Serious Sam 2 had half robot half dinosaurs with rocket launchers for arms, and for the record... IT ROCKED!!!
  • Mister Hand
    Seconded on the Serious Sam observation, Alex--and don't forget TUROK.
  • DogofWar
    Considering that JP has been a serious series up until now, I would hope that, if this is indeed the final plot, they tackle some serious issues.

    Personally, I hope they put an Metal Gear Solid spin on it, with dinos being brought up by multiple army groups for war. Also preferable, a Middle East setting. Why? Because if they use dinos in combat, I think a place where war is occuring would be the best spot for their use.

    Unfortunately you'd have to have a pretty gung-ho cast for such a serious story, which could lead to problems with the whole "unsuspecting scientists and tourists attempt to escape dinos" premise which has been the hallmark of the series.

    It will be interesting to see what they do.
  • DogofWar
    Considering that JP has been a serious series up until now, I would hope that, if this is indeed the final plot, they tackle some serious issues.

    Personally, I hope they put an Metal Gear Solid spin on it, with dinos being brought up by multiple army groups for war. Also preferable, a Middle East setting. Why? Because if they use dinos in combat, I think a place where war is occuring would be the best spot for their use.

    Unfortunately you'd have to have a pretty gung-ho cast for such a serious story, which could lead to problems with the whole "unsuspecting scientists and tourists attempt to escape dinos" premise which has been the hallmark of the series.

    It will be interesting to see what they do. What I'm envisioning is Transformers in the Middle East w/ dinos instead of robots.
  • as cool as this sounds there is still waaaaaaaay too much potential for a really stupid movie.
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