Not only is there a movie in the works where a “chubby” child is lost overboard on a family vacation who gets raised by whales and goes on to become an Olympic swimmer, it’s going to be directed by Jon Turtletaub – the exact name you thought of when you started trying to imagine this monstrosity. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Beached (a title spit out of an accounting department computer with no sense of humor) has seen renewed interest theoretically because of the London Games and stars like Ryan Lochte and Michael Phelps.

Boasting a script from Ted Griffin (Ocean’s Eleven, Tower Heist), the project has been around since 1997 and was once under the wing of director Betty Thomas (The Brady Bunch Movie, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel) but somehow the story of a fat kid being brought up by the world’s largest mammals never came to fruition. Now, it’s back on the radar for Fox 2000 because of Turtletaub.

How is this not straight-up ABC Family material? If the boy is raised by whales, will it be Castaway style where he humanizes them in an attempt to not lose his tiny mind out there in isolation? How does he not collapse into a terrified puddle whenever he’s integrated back into a society that comes with the pressure of winning Olympic gold? Does he communicate through loud moaning song?

These questions remain. Fortunately, the man behind National Treasure is on the case. This thing better be heartwarming as hell.