New Spider-Man? Sony Says Tobey’s Still Their Guy

Posted by Robin Ruinsky (robin@filmschoolrejects.com) on May 30, 2008

Musical Interlude to the Spider-Man Theme Song:

“Spider Man 4, Spider Man 4. Looks like Maguire, might be shown the door. If he’s gone, what to do? Looking for a Spidey, that’s really new”

Who will don the suit? Who will have the power to leap from building to building using sticky web gunk shot from his wrists? Is there anyone out there that looks good in Spandex?

A rumor has been circulating that the hunt is on for a new Spider-Man to star in Spider-Man 4 and Spider-Man 5. Spider-Man 3 wasn’t exactly good, so why not just soldier on and make a couple of more Spider-Man movies?

I’m thinking the franchise does need a change. Call it “Spiderman” in which a mild mannered New York proctologist, Al Spiderman, is a super hero by night fear inducing doctor by day. Do something really new! Cast an older Al Spiderman. Dustin Hoffman! Al Pacino!

Alright, alright, back to reality.

One of the names that has popped up to take over the spandex suit is Patrick Fugit, from Almost Famous and White Oleander fame. But Sony shouts “No!” it’s all a lie! Tobey is still our guy. The exact quote from Sony was:

“Tobey Tobey, He’s our man. If he can’t play Spidey, No one can!”

Okay, it wasn’t the exact quote.

Alright, then, if Maguire is still the man, the main arachnid, at least let Spidey really mature. I know, I know, he was allowed to graduate from High School and go to college and become his evil twin Skippy in the scary black spandex.

But what if Spider-Man has a kid? Will he pass his spidery attributes on to his offspring? Will he marry Mary Jane? Will she spin a big egg sack and have a zillion little Spideys who will fly around the Parker house leaving webs stuck to the walls?

Okay, I know, I know, it’s all too much, but it’s Friday.

Read more articles by Robin Ruinsky