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It seems that with every year that goes by, more and more directors in Hollywood choose to play a little game that 5 year olds call “Anything you can do, I can do better.” In doing this they often take fan favorites from one generation, slap a little CG on them and re-release their stories unto a new generation. It works as often as it doesn’t work. For example, in 2005 we saw a few remakes that made us forget about their predecessors and few makes that made us want to forget all together. On the side of success, Christopher Nolan and crew gave the Dark Knight some welcomed upgrades in Batman Begins and Johnny Depp brought Willy Wonka back with extra jovial lunacy in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. While the flip side brought us Andrew Douglas’ mediocre re-envisioning of the 1979 horror triumph, The Amityville Horror and Guess Who, which proves that any movie with Ashton Kutcher is destined to pale in comparison with one starring Sidney Poitier and Katharine Hepburn. But that is all a matter of opinion.

The same unpredictable success can be said in the realm of sequels. Last year saw winners the 12th, I mean 4th installment in the Harry Potter series as well as the final piece to the epic puzzle that is George Lucas’ Star Wars saga. These films proved that it is possible to have success with a sequel, even if you are forced to employ the acting “talents” of Hayden Christensen to carry the film. Even the mongers of the “torture porn” universe cashed in with sequels like Saw II and The Ring Two. And while less successful than their prior brethren of the silver screen, they still put plenty of butts in the seats, as is the case with many sequels.

Such is the case for this year’s round of un-originality. How can we expect to go into another summer of film without seeing the rehashing of our favorite storylines and the rebirth of our favorite characters in mild-mannered, watered down versions of films we previously loved? You are right – we can’t. So this year Hollywood is providing us with not only some smart remakes, but at least one sequel that is, to say the least, worth walking the plank for…

It all begins in the wonderfully sunny month of June, on the severely creepy date of 6/6/06, with John Moore’s remake of the 1976 opus to evil, The Omen. Updated with plenty of exploitation (scenes that include the burning of the WTC on 9/11 and clips of Hurricane Katrina, for starters) for an already over-sensitized generation only adds to the fact that they found one of the creepiest looking kids in history to play the part of young Damien. If you can overlook the fact that Save the Last Dance star Julia Stiles was cast as the mother of Satan then you may find this one worthy of a trip to the cinema. But despite its casting mishaps, this one has the marketing fortune behind it with the well planned release date. I mean, how much creepier would it have been if they could have released Friday the 13th on Friday the 13th? Get my drift?

The month of June does not go quietly, though, delivering unto us at least one sequel that will be easy to ignore. I am talking about The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Think about it; it is a movie that stars the awesome threesome of Lucas Black (the mildly autistic quarterback from Friday Night Lights), Zachery Ty Bryan (the eldest son from the TV show Home Improvement whose recent acting credits are headlined by an uncredited role in Annapolis), and the rapper formally known as Lil’ Bow Wow. This one should hit the wall shortly after its release on June 16th, but don’t count it out completely; there are plenty of half naked Asian girls and supped up Hondas to keep the 19 year old underground hooligans at bay.

July is where all of the best remakes and sequels seem to be hiding, as we are revisited by some fan favorites from both the recent past, and an 80′s story that just won’t die. The first of which is the follow up to the 2003 smash hit Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. In Dead Man’s Chest, Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) is back and is once again caught up in quite a mess, even for a pirate. Flanked by his old friend Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and the lovely Elizabeth (Keira Knightley), Jack is forced to deal with the realization that he owes his soul to Davey Jones by doing what he does best – running away. With special effects that look absolutely fabulous and another predictably stellar performance from Mr. Depp, this one should sail away as the summer’s biggest hit, despite the obvious competition.

As for a remake, leave it none other than the visionary director that brought us Heat to re-issue our favorite flowered shirt wearing South Beach drug cops in Miami Vice. If it wasn’t Michael Mann at the helm, this one may turn out to be another cheap knock-off of an 80′s favorite (I point you to the 2005 remake The Dukes of Hazzard for a great example of that.) The acting talents of Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx have been called upon to make this update a good one, and hopefully at least Foxx can rise to the occasion, with very little to expect from the pale-skinned Irish boy Farrell as a South Beach drug detective. But all-in-all you can can’t on this one for a few things; there will be plenty of reasonably naked women, a judicious amount of killing, and hopefully some wildly colorful clothing. That, in itself, should be reason enough to give this one a chance.

That brings us up to speed for this summer’s wealth of redefined cinema. And I know what you are thinking, “What happens in August?” Good question. If I get a chance to meet with all of the major studio executives between now and then, I will be sure to ask them why they left all of us hanging with no cheesy remakes or sequels in the final month of summer. But even so, with plenty of Satanic spawn and loony Pirates populating the months of June and July, there should be plenty to keep our taste for re-enactment aptly fulfilled. If not, you could always wait until next year when we get flicks like Rush Hour 3 and Transformers: The Movie…

Stay tuned tomorrow as I intend to successfully run down all of the mindless fun that can be had at the box office this summer…

Click below to check out the trailers for the films featured in this section:

• The Omen
• The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
• Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
• Miami Vice

Be sure to also check out the previous two entries in my Seven Days of Summer Movies series:

• Tuesday: Fun for Everyone
• Wednesday: Bring on the Fanboy Extravaganza!