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The scene of the crime is Lowell, Mass. Bereaved fans are awaiting a ransom call from the kidnappers of The Incredible Hulk. Police have issued a description of “an eight-foot-tall green man wearing ripped purple pants and missing his feet.” Shouldn’t be too hard to spot, one would think.

The Hulk’s gigantic proportions prohibit use of an Amber Alert, and we are asking the public to keep vigilant and report any untoward activities.

A promotional statue for The Incredible Hulk was literally ripped off from the front of a local theater. Capt. James McPadden believes the statue is probably in the bedroom of a fan, and thinks more than one person was involved in the kidnapping.

This particular Hulk is without feet because it was bolted to a platform and the nappers snapped it off at the ankles. If you see him running along the side streets on bloody stumps, do not try to apprehend him yourself. Call Capt. McPadden for back-up.