FSR Recommends: The Agony Booth

Posted by Mister Hand (misterhand@filmschoolrejects.com) on September 19, 2007

I discovered The Agony Booth a number of months ago. The name of the website refers to an old Star Trek episode that features a chamber which exists for the sole purpose of inflicting unspeakable pain upon anyone unlucky enough to be locked in it. (It gives William Shatner an excuse to engage in some classic high thespian staggered screaming and convulsing when his Captain Kirk character is victimized by the contraption.)

The site is dedicated to bad movies and television, but it’s not a review site. Its sole purpose is to meticulously recap featured films, pointing out what’s laughable or just plain painful with each passing moment, sometimes with biting wit. It’s a site for people who are curious about widely-reviled movies, but don’t want to put in the tedious labor of actually watching them. I was grateful, for instance, to find Superman IV: The Quest for Peace featured on the site. I have seen all of the Superman movies, and I’m a big fan of comic book films, but I never had any desire to slog through Christopher Reeves’ final bow as the Man of Steel. The Agony Booth recap proved to be a far more entertaining alternative.

Writers for the site generally dole out a lot of fascinating background detail regarding the making of the films and how a good number of them went horribly wrong as early as pre-production. For wannabe filmmakers, the site is a treasure trove of information on what to avoid if you want your film to not totally suck. And for average moviephiles, it’s a compelling behind-the-scenes look at the Hollywood movie machine gone awry, as well as a primer for better detecting exactly how lazy writing, bad acting, incompetent direction, and cliche-ridden dialogue can rip cinema at the seams.

The site features everything from television episodes (continuing coverage of bad Star Trek episodes from all incarnations of the series are a favorite of mine) to independent films to Hollywood blockbusters. If you’re the type who wouldn’t watch a film like Shanghai Surprise on a bet, but you’re curious to know just what’s so bad about it, this is the place for you.

The current recap that I have spent a good part of the day chuckling over describes the film Eragon. The author, Jet, also read (and disliked) the book, and this provides an added dimension in imagining the badness of this colossal flop of a movie. Here’s an example of the writing. Saphira is the name of Eragon’s dragon, and Brom is the Jeremy Irons character, who Jet often refers to as “Obi Brom Kenobi.”

Brom warns that if Eragon dies, Saphira will too, but the opposite is not the case. Now, that definitely wasn’t in the book. In the book, if a rider or dragon died, there was about a 50/50 chance of the other one surviving (again, this was lifted straight from The Dragonriders of Pern). But here, Saphira has not only made herself into Eragon’s slave, but she’s also entrusting her life to him. And as we’ll see, she’s putting her life in the hands of someone with no self-preservation instincts whatsoever, and the brains of a dead sardine. So what we have here, basically, is the stupidest hero ever, and a dragon who’s nothing more than a giant scaly doormat. Yeah, I’m rooting for them, alright. Rooting for them both to die horrible deaths.

My only complaint is the site is not updated very often. But the articles are very long, and quite in-depth, so I suppose concessions have to be made.

Also, the site is definitely not for everyone. The recaps are (as I mentioned) very long, and meticulously detailed. There are jokes, but an awful lot of it is simply a summarized description of what’s happening onscreen. I’ve recommended the site to friends and they’ve responded by asking, “Why would I want to read a movie?”

If you’re molded from 100% movie geek like me, you’ll love it.

Personally, I can’t wait for the D-War recap.

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