English m*therf*cker, do you speak it?
Posted by Paige MacGregor (paige@filmschoolrejects.com) on July 2, 2007
Once a month actor Samuel L. Jackson (Unbreakable, Die Hard: With A Vengeance, S.W.A.T., Pulp Fiction) takes time out of his busy schedule to talk with Film School Rejects editor Paige MacGregor. Below is a transcript of this month’s interview, which focuses on a topic that we all know is extremely relevant in the lives of our readers: guns.
PM: This morning we’re sitting here Samuel L. Jackson, whose new movie, 1408, opened in theaters this past weekend, grossing $20.2 million dollars at the box office, second only to Evan Almighty—
SLJ: [interrupting] Normally, both your asses would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit while I’m in a transitional period so I don’t wanna kill you, I wanna help you.
PM: Well… there’s no one else here, I was referring to the reader (or listener) but thank you. [clears throat] Anyway… Mr. Samuel L. Jackson is here with me today for the first of several monthly discussions in which we will address topics relevant to our readers.
PM: Good morning, Mr. Jackson.
SLJ: Yeah. Yeah, I’m the man.
PM: Yes, you certainly are. So, in preparation for our discussion this morning, the editors here at Film School Rejects took a look at our most recently posted articles to see which ones are the most popular with our readers in order to come up with a topic for this morning’s discussion. And what did we come up with? Well, the articles that seem most appealing to our readers generally involve two main themes: guns and girls.
SLJ: I’m always frank and earnest with women. Uh, in New York I’m Frank, and Chicago I’m Ernest.
PM: [they both laugh] So, does that mean you want to make girls our subject for discussion this morning, Mr. Jackson?
SLJ: Girl, don’t make me put my foot in your ass.
PM: Alright, guns it is then. You’ve—
SLJ: You foxy bitch.
PM: [laughs nervously] Oh, you have no idea!
SLJ: You know me. It’s my duty to please that booty.
PM: Yes, yes it certainly is… well, as we all know from watching your films, you’ve been in a number of movies in which you work intimately with guns. Now personally, I’m partial to the AK-47 after watching that Nicholas Cage movie Lord of War, but I was wondering—
PM: [laughs] My feelings exactly. If you have a job that need’s doing, you’ve got to do it right! You don’t want to end up like your character in Pulp Fiction, going into that apartment with nothin’ but a handgun.
SLJ: “We should have shotguns for this kind of deal.â€
PM: Right. But other than AK-47’s and shotguns, what do you think about guns, having worked with so many in your different movies?
SLJ: Hey, all brothers don’t know how to use guns, you racist motherfucker.
PM: Oh, well… I didn’t mean to make that assumption—
SLJ: Everyone knows, when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of u and ‘umption.’
PM: [laughs nervously] I just thought that since you’ve played a number of characters that use guns—in S.W.A.T. and Pulp Fiction, for example—you might have an idea of which are the best, maybe from talking with prop and stunt guys? I mean, I assume that some of the guns you used to film the movies were just models, but you still must have a general idea of how a lot of these weapons work, right?
SLJ: Oh, I’m sorry; did I break your concentration?
PM: A little bit, yes [they laugh]… wow, you scared me for a minute there. I though I’d pissed you off, and I’ll be the first person to tell anyone that if there is someone you do not want to piss off, it’s Samuel L. Jackson.
SLJ: Well, you are white and I’m black.
PM: [confused] Yes… that’s true… ah… [long, awkward silence] Well, pissing off Samuel L. Jackson… that’s a good way to get your nose broken… that was so great in the new Shaft when you punch Christian Bale’s character in the nose a couple times… [laughs]
SLJ: “That wasn’t an accident and neither will the next one that goes in your head!â€
PM: [laughs] That’s right. That’s a quote from your movie… ah, The Negotiator… right?
SLJ: Correctamundo.
PM: Yeah, great movie. What was it like to work with Kevin Spacey? You both got to use some pretty sweet guns in that movie—
SLJ: [Samuel L. Jackson motions to a nearby assistant, who disappears for a moment and then comes back carrying a large automatic weapon and hands it to the actor.] Now that there is the Tec-9, a crappy spray gun from South Miami. This gun is advertised as the most popular gun in American crime. Do you believe that shit? It actually says that in the little book that comes with it: ‘the most popular gun in American crime.’ Like they’re actually proud of that shit.
PM: Wow… I guess no one makes Samuel L. Jackson go through a metal detector…
SLJ: Correctamundo.
PM: Yeah, well… anyway, is that so true about the Tec-9? I heard from a relatively unreliable source that may be wrong, but I vaguely remember somebody telling me that you can use a Tec-9 to blast through just about anything, which really doesn’t seem like it could be true… he said you could fire right through a steel door—
SLJ: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa… stop right there. It can do that? Bust through a steel door?
PM: I have no idea, but that seems like bullshit to me… I’d think you’d need a much bigger gun to do that…
SLJ: I’d like a… submachine gun so I can blow everyone away.
PM: Yeah, at least with a submachine gun you’ve got something a little bigger that at least looks like it could bust through a door… I’d still rather have a bazooka or something, though…
SLJ: You asked for it… hold on to your butts!
PM: Hold on indeed…Unfortunately, however it looks like that’s all the time we have for today, but check back in next month when we talk again with Samuel L. Jackson about another important and relevant topic. Thank you again for being here, Mr. Jackson, I really appreciate you taking the time to talking to me today.
SLJ: You know me. It’s my duty to please that booty.
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