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According to IGN, not the most unreliable source of entertainment news on the internet, Nicolas Cage is considering playing the part of Thomas Magnum for a new Magnum, P.I. movie.

First of all, in my humble opinion, there’s no good reason to make a Magnum, P.I. movie. The show is now very old, and has dated about as well as most television shows about private investigators (which is to say, not very well). Second, what made Magnum, P.I. a standout show in its day was the presence of Tom Selleck, who displayed a unique charisma in the titular role. If Tom Selleck is too old to reprise this role (and I would argue that he is not), then my message to the people trying to get this thing off the ground is this: move on. Quit wasting your energy on something that has all kinds of potential to be bad. If Ricky Gervais has already passed on playing the Higgins role, let that be your sign to stop throwing good money at bad talent.

Finally, a message to Nicolas Cage:

Stop it. Just stop it already, and enough. You obviously believe you have some sort of range as an actor. You do not. You play crazy really well. You do great things with deranged. You’re pretty good with disturbed. But when it comes to playing a romantic lead, an action hero, or any role that requires you to express a normal blend of human emotion, you suck pretty hard. Go back to playing villains and lunatics and get your career back on track.

That is all.