Boll to Take Down Speilberg, Finally!
Posted by Dr. Cole Abaius (cole.abaius@filmschoolrejects.com) on March 7, 2008
After years of undeserved glory and praise, it seems that someone finally has the guts and strength of will to take down hack-director menace, Steven Spielberg. That brave man is Uwe Boll.
For years, Boll’s movies have been snubbed by audiences and critics because of what amount to small problems with dialog, acting, pacing, editing, shot-framing, scripting, scoring, special effects, direction, prop design, and general likability. All that will change, according to Boll, when audiences stop being prejudiced and check out his latest film, Postal, which goes head-to-head with Spielberg’s Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull on its opening weekend.
Boll also claims that his movie will “destroy Indiana Jones at the box office”. Bloody Disgusting is also reporting that Boll believes he’s a better actor than Ben Kingsley and that Jaws and E.T. were low points in Spielberg’s career. Of course, all of this is delivered in Boll’s broken dialect as he bravely refuses to learn English – but continues to release films in America.
Solider on, Uwe Boll! It’s about time that, after years of bringing us heartfelt, brilliantly moving and memorable films, Steven Spielberg is revealed for the hack that he is.
Crystal Skull is being released nationwide on May 23rd, 2008. Whether or not Boll’s latest abortion will be released anywhere but his mother’s house remains to be reported.
In related news, Ralph Nader still believes he’ll be elected President, the Miami Dolphins are looking forward to a play-off berth next season, and Elmer Fudd has a strong feeling that today is the day he finally catches that wascily Bugs Bunny.
Read more articles by Dr. Cole Abaius
