Being Sienna Miller

Posted by Maggie Van Ostrand (maggie@filmschoolrejects.com) on September 23, 2007

Sienna Miller’s new movie, Camille (not to be confused with Garbo’s 1936 version or any other with the same title based on the coughing consumptive Camille), is about a nice, sweet girl who falls for a not-so-nice moody guy, Silas Parker (James Franco) who wants to marry her because she’s his parole officer’s niece. He wants to take her on a Niagara Falls honeymoon and cut across the border to escape. That’d be the “other” border, the one without a fence.

Camille makes the same mistake almost every bride makes, and believes that she will change Silas and make him into a better person. She thinks this will happen even if she dies. We’ll have to see the movie to find out what that means.

The reason I’m writing about Camille is that the second unit was shooting near my house. It seems no matter where in Southern California you live, sooner or later, you’ll come across something going on involving the industry. This time stuntmen were cavorting in the mountains on a Harley. More about that in a bit. On second thought, I’m not sure it was a Harley — they all look alike to me.

The other reason I’m writing about Camille is to give my publisher a reason to put up a picture of Sienna Miller. That makes him very happy, almost as happy as would a naked Jessica Alba writhing in the window across the street from his house. But Jessica Alba doesn’t live across the street from him, so we’re not sure who’s doing the writhing.

About 20 minutes into the movie, you’ll see a shot of the happy couple en route to their honeymoon on a motorcycle with a sidecar. But the bride, veil flying out behind her, isn’t in the sidecar, she’s on the cycle with the groom. It’s not exactly Sienna Miller in that flying veil, it’s Mick Tomljenovic the stuntman in drag, and it’s not exactly James Franco in a dark blue groomsuit either, it’s Edi Wilde, another stuntman. That’s showbiz. These are the people you’ll see (from the back) on screen in the film. Sorry to burst your Sienna Miller bubble but, let’s face it, you’d rather see her from the front anyway.

Sienna is not having an affair with James Franco no matter what you’ve heard. Photographs that have been circulating suggesting they’re a couple are actually pictures from a scene in Camille. She’s still involved with Jude Law, who’s been in the Apple filming My Blueberry Nights. Oh wait, that was last month. This month she’s been partying with Rhys Ifans, while insisting that they are not a couple.

‘Rhys and I are just friends, we’ve known each other for years,’ Sienna insisted to the celeb gossip zine, NOW. Why does she insist so much?

‘We are definitely not sleeping together. He’s crashing on my couch because his boat is flooded and I’m being the Good Samaritan and providing him with a roof over his head.’

You’ve got to admit, that’s pretty original — “… because his boat is flooded.” Say what?

Sienna, 25, and Rhys, 38, enjoyed a holiday together in Ibiza this summer and the topless actress looked very comfortable in Rhys’s company. We can only suppose he was topless as well.

The Notting Hill actor, who previously dated publicist Jessica Morris for 7 years, is also reported to have dated Kate Moss following her split from Pete Doherty. What is this, musical beds?

Since breaking off her engagement to Jude Law (unless it’s back on by the time you read this), Sienna has been linked to Matthew Rhys – her co-star in The Edge Of Love – and has enjoyed partying with P Diddy.

‘[Love] is the best feeling in the world,’ she recently announced. ‘There’s such a sense of reassurance that comes with finding that person who’s going to make you happy, and vice-versa.’

Never mind “finding that person,” the fun in just looking.

Well, that’s enough gossip. We don’t even believe in gossip. If we did, this publication would be called Gossipschoolrejects.

Camille also stars Scott Glenn as the parole officer/sheriff, and David Carradine as Cowboy Bob. It is directed by Gregory Mackenzie, written by Nick Pustay and with the exception of what they shot by my house, is being filmed in Canada. IMdB has Camille listed as Adventure/Comedy/Drama/Romance, which covers just about everything that doesn’t have a pirate in it. Or Jude Law.

Read more articles by Maggie Van Ostrand