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This week, Forbes released a rather bitch-ily worded article naming the top ten actresses that provided the best return on investment (ROI) for studios. With studios (like the rest of us) stretched so thin for cash, it’s interesting that these actresses aren’t calculated at all by their quote (the amount they demand per movie) this year. Forbes’s formula differs this time around, and seemed pretty math-y. Also pretty fair. Put on your thinking caps or skip the next paragraph, ’cause here we go:

Forbes calculated 100 top actresses’ estimated earnings per film, including both upfront and back-end (heh.) pay. They matched that with each film’s budget (estimated budget, that is — interestingly enough, minus marketing costs), plus box-office-DVD-TV earnings to calculate an operating income. Then, they did this:

(Each actress’s income in last three films + Operating income of those three films) / actress’s total compensation = ROI

Interestingly enough, Forbes reports (and here’s where the bitchy part comes in): “One thing most of the actresses on this list have in common is that they did not carry the films on their own. In Hollywood, it’s still rare for a woman to be the main star. For the most part, women are co-stars or they appear in ensemble films like He’s Just Not That Into You”.

Nevertheless, the results are in:

1. Naomi Watts: For every $1 she is paid, her movie earns $44

2. Jennifer Connelly: $41

3. Rachel McAdams: $30

4. Natalie Portman: $28

5. Meryl Streep: $27

6. Jennifer Aniston: $26

7. Halle Berry: $23

8. Cate Blanchett: $23

9. Anne Hathaway: $23

10. Hilary Swank: $23

Editor’s Note: We realize that you might have noticed that our cropping of the pictures above is a little, er, off. This is intentional — it is also a work of satire, not meant to offend. If you need any further explanation of the concept of satire, please consult Google. If we’ve offended you, we’re sorry that you didn’t get the joke.