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Everyone can relate to a mysterious overlord taking control of your life and forcing you to do their evil bidding in an attempt to create chaos while masterminding a vicious scheme on a large scale. For the few of you out there who haven’t had this happen yet – be warned: it is only a matter of time. With that in mind, here are a few tips and gadgets that will make your service to international, greedy, white collar terrorists go a lot smoother.

Global Positioning System

Since they’re already probably tracking you, stick this in your bag anyways, it will come in handy. Many of the car mounted systems can recharge in the vehicle and then run for hours on the battery, so you can slip it into your pocket while running down the road and still know exactly where you are. New models also have security-enabled blue tooth connections, so you can listen to your instructions no matter where you are.

Comfortable Shoes

Evading arrest and detection is difficult enough without blisters on your feet. And when all is said and done and you’ve crippled an evil organization, don’t you wish you could look back on it all and know exactly what happened? Well, strap on a pair of Nike+ shoes and hook it up to your iPod and it will keep track of your pace, miles run, and all sorts of other information. Plus, they’re comfortable.

Hooded Sweatshirt or Jacket

No one is ever on the run without one of these. Big pockets for holding things, like your cellphone that’s already dialed a friend to warn them of impending arrest or just your keys. Throw the hood up when police are nearby and they’ll assume you’re just some kid, not a kidnapped person pushed into a life of crime acting suspiciously.

Taser

They’re probably legal to carry in your area and can help you get out of a sticky situation fast. Plus, if some annoying guy keeps heckling you while you’re trying to give a speech, you can totally tase that bro’ until he cries like a little girl.

Hopefully with these few items in your trail rated backpack will give you just the edge you need to survive any situation, or at least go for a pleasant hike. You have the knowledge – what you do with it is up to you.