WTF: Clay Aiken and Lindsay Lohan are Gay. This Is News?

Posted by Kevin Carr (kevin@filmschoolrejects.com) on September 24, 2008

Yeah, it was a surprise that Clay Aiken was gay and Lindsay Lohan was bisexual

Last night, there were two news stories that broke rather late. But I would hardly call them news because pretty much everyone from Conan O’Brien to my family’s dog knew were true before they were ever reported:

Clay Aiken is gay, and Lindsay Lohan is bisexual.

What the faaaaabulous?

This is news? Is it any surprise that party girl LiLo is giving a go at hitting for the other team? Let me tell you something, honey… just because Megan Fox sent our hearts aflutter last week with the admission of a lesbian affair with a Russian stripper doesn’t mean that anyone is going to care about your little fling. We still aren’t going to see your movies.

And Clay Aiken??? Freakin’ Clay Aiken??? The only people who refused to believe that he is gay have been his hardcore conservative Christian fan base. You mean all those Barry Manilow comparisons and leaked instant message photos weren’t a dead giveaway?

I know that California has given the go-ahead for gay marriage, which has sent same-sex couples stampeding to the courthouse. But seriously, does Clay Aiken coming out of the closet really warrant a front cover of People Magazine?

If this is considered news, then we should keep our eyes open for other stories that we already know are true. So before the national news media can jump on more painfully obvious news stories, here are some suggested headlines that we need to look for in the future:

    America likes superhero movies
    Martin Scorsese planning new gangster film
    Gas prices expected to increase
    Kevin Smith tells dick jokes in his new film
    Spike Lee wants more focus on African American history
    Joan Rivers has had too much plastic surgery
    Michael Jackson is a pervert
    Rosie O’Donnell is fat
    Gary Busey has big teeth
    Heath Ledger is still dead

PS… For those of you getting ready to flame me for delving into celebrity gossip and not sticking to movie-related topics, you must remember Clay Aiken’s soundtrack contributions to the blockbusters Without a Paddle and Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed. And as for Lindsay Lohan… she was a movie star once, many years ago.


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  • Clay Aiken probably admitted what everyone knew in order to get some publicity. It got him on the cover of People magazine. Lindsey Lohand was probably just looking for someone to give a damn about her again. But you're right, no one cares.
  • Actually gas prices are expected to decline, Kevin.
  • Sam
    holytaco (however bizarre and fratboyish they can be) had an interesting photoshop as the next cover of people in the vein of stating the obvious, with a picture of Mel Gibsons that said 'I Hate Jews'. That aside, its obviously for publicity but I think the whole world just kind of went 'uh, no shit.'

    as for Lindsay Lohan, I heard the rumours about this roughly around the time the story of Megan Fox 'broke'. It sounds like the next hollywood thing. A bunch of starlettes coming out. Or experimenting publicly or whatever. They did the sort of wholesome thing, did the sort of slutty thing, did the rehab thing and now they're doing the sort of gay thing.

    What the hell is the next thing going to be? sort of extremist religious zealot?
  • Sam
    also, who in the fuck came up with LiLo
  • @ Fure... I'm sure they'll go up some time in the future.

    @ Sam... I'm okay with hot young starlets experimenting with lesbianism... as long as we can buy the sex tape online within a couple weeks.

    @ Sam again... LiLo is her name. Like Zefron (Zac Efron), Jacko (Michael Jackson) and J-Lo (Martin Landau)
  • Chris
    Lindsay is gay? Then who is the guy with her in that picture?
  • john
    Ah sh*t!
    Chris that had me laughing so hard I started crying.
  • Sam
    @ Kevin, you have an entirely valid point and I now support this 100%. That said, I want a sweet celeb-mashup name that sound ridiculous. If I have to make out with members of the same sex, though, I think I'll opt out.

    I never knew who J-Lo was before now, either. Now all those stories make sense.
  • Trace
    LiLo was a movie star when she was a kid. As soon as she became self-aware, it all went downhill for her.
  • Gay Gaykin and Lindgay Homohan are gay?

    Ok so I was stretching a bit on "homohan" but "Gay Gaykin" is pretty funny.
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