WTF: Penn & Teller Nail the Bullsh*t!

Posted by Kevin Carr (kevin@filmschoolrejects.com) on May 16, 2009

I know I’ve been reticent on the WTF front lately, and I apologize to my loyal readers. Heck, I apologize to my not-so-loyal readers who have just swerved into this article today. Maybe it’s because everything that’s been making me shout WTF lately has been in my personal life and not at all movie related. Maybe I’ve just been plain lazy. Or maybe I was just wiped out from my Star Wars/Star Trek tussle with Josh Radde last week.

In any case, as what happens with this column periodically, while working on this article about the colossal turd Rajan Zed and his campaign against Angels & Demons, I was watching Penn & Teller: Bullshit – Season Six, which comes out on DVD this week.

Because I don’t have Showtime, I’ve never watched this show before the publicist sent me a copy. At first, I wasn’t a big fan. The snarky after-the-fact commentary by Penn Jillette reminded me a little too much of the revisionist and retrofitted narration of a Michael Moore movie. But after a few episodes, the show grew on me.

Then I came to episode 6-04… the one about dolphins.

When it comes to crackpots, this episode was a doozy. Amid the mix of dolphin psychics, $2000-a-person dolphin communication seminars in the desert and information about dolphin slaughtering porpoises, there was a arguably certifiable woman who runs an “institute” (and note the word “institute” is deliberately put in quotes) that manages dolphin-assisted births.

As a father of three kids, one of which was delivered by a last-minute emergency C-section due to his heart rate dropping every time his mother had a contraction, you’d expect me to throw out my favorite WTF line. And here it goes…

What the Flipper?

But that’s not the craziest thing.

What really freaked me out was when I did a quick Google search for dolphin-assisted birth. I found the following page from BabyCenter.com, a pretty respectable online baby resource.

If you’re too busy to follow the link, I’ll drop in some real quotes from real mothers that appear this discussion forum:

It seems like it has many benefits to mother and baby. I think if I lived in an area that it was possible I would totally do it. – Jen… If I knew what it was like to have four kids… I would have swallowed! [And yes, that’s the chick’s honest-to-god signature.]

How interesting. It’s reassuring to know that there is a birth option out there for everyone. I can certainly understand how dolphins would bring a peaceful aspect to the birth. – Angela

I would do it in a heartbeat! Dolphins are so cool. – AJ

I have always wanted to swim with dolphins, imagine the experience giving birth with them! I think it is kind of intriguing. – Liz

I’m trying to figure out how my mom would respond if I told her I was going to try this. I hope I dream about it tonight! LOL That will be fun! – Tricia

I’m terrified for the babies popping out of these women. The fact that someone would actually consider this blows my mind.

Forget the fact the any birth involves blood, and everyone knows blood in the water attracts sharks. After all, there’s a reason we have the colloquialism “blood in the water.” Forget the fact that the open ocean is different than a tub in a birthing room, where emergency medical personnel an whisk the mother away in an instant. Forget the fact that dolphins are sharp-toothed carnivores and, more importantly, wild freakin’ animals! Wolves are cute, too, but I don’t want them present at the birth of my next child.

I expected to nut jobs on Penn & Teller’s show. After all, this is how they do their thing. But these women who entertain the idea… well, let’s just say that if there was ever a case to be made for forced sterilization, these ladies are making it. I pity the children that they’ve already pooped out.

To steal a line from the illustrious Penn & Teller… This is bullshit!

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