WTF: I Should Be Dancing with the Stars!

Posted by Kevin Carr (kevin@filmschoolrejects.com) on January 14, 2009

For the most part, I loath reality TV. I understand why it took off about ten years ago when the “other” writer’s strike almost shut the industry down in the late 1990s, cutting out the need for WGA staff writers on shows like Survivor and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

My wife, on the other hand, is hooked on several shows. One of her favorites is The Biggest Loser, which I told her the other night should be renamed The Biggest Whiney Bitches because people seem more eager to piss and moan about how hard it is to lose weight rather than to lose weight.

Being one of the resident Fat Guys at Film School Rejects, I have seriously considered trying to get on The Biggest Loser, but after a failed attempt at a weight loss challenge with FSR’s Neil Miller and Brian Gibson, I lost about 20 pounds and edged myself out of that prime first week of weight loss. Plus, I’m a more-trim 250 pounds now, rather than the close-to-300-pounds I was last year, and if you’ve seen the size of the contestants in this year’s Biggest Loser cast, they’re all tipping the scales north of 20 stone, as they say in the U.K.

My first brush with reality TV was when I was active in the competitive eating circuit, and I was approached to be on Wife Swap, but my blushing bride refused to do it. Some of the eaters in the IFOCE, including Eric “Badlands” Booker who ended up on the show, are really great guys. But there are others that quite frankly scare my wife. (Those in the competitive eating community know who I’m talking about with this one.)

Another reality TV show my wife loves is Dancing with the Stars. And after seeing how well fat, out of shape guys do on the show (e.g., Wayne Newton, John Ratzenberger and Jerry Springer), I said to my wife, “I should go on that show.”

She looked at me, bewildered and said, “But you’re not a celebrity.” When I protested, she agreed that I had a certain amount of celebrity status through my movie review empire, which has at least 100 listeners with Fat Guys at the Movies and the billions of readers who surf FilmSchoolRejects.com. She said, though, that she didn’t think the producers at ABC’s Dancing with the Stars would agree.

Then I saw a headline today, which talked about Sharon Osbourne vying to be on the popular reality show, and I had to say…

What the fancy foot work?

I know that more people have heard of Sharon Osbourne than they have heard of Kevin Carr, but can you really call her a star? Aside from a cancer scare, being married to a brain-damaged metal-head and cleaning up poop from dozens of poorly trained dogs, what is Sharon Osbourne famous for?

And that got me thinking… what about some of the other non-star stars that have been on the show.

You have season one’s Trista Rehn, most famous for stomping for a groom on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Season two had ESPN anchorman Kenny Mayne and Access Hollywood host Giselle Fernández, neither of which are huge names. Season three gave us political pundit Tucker Carlson and Playboy models Shanna Moakler and Willa Ford. Season four had a Miss USA (Shandi Finnessey) and a one-legged ex-prostitute gold-digger (Heather Mills). Then season five offered a male model (Albert Reed) and a decidedly un-famous albeit wealthy entrepreneur (Mark Cuban).

Season six was relatively well-seeded with bona fide celebrities, but season seven turned back the clock with a mildly famous comedian (Jeffrey Ross) and two Olympians (Misty May-Treanor and Maurice Green). Accomplished? Yes. Talented? Maybe. Stars? Not really.

So why not an internet film critic and Fat Guys at the Movies co-host?

I am asking for everyone’s support. Go to the Dancing with the Stars web site or the Contact ABC Page and demand that they represent the Internet.

Join with me folks and support the cause. Let’s let ABC know that we need a real internet celebrity on the show before they get someone like Harry Knowles to put on his dancing shoes.


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  • I believe the only one whom are going to be in the dancing with the stars are the "has-been's". Either from back in early 90's or people who can't get an acting gig lately or maybe they are just in the bottom of the barrel list (if that's the case then why not do Scary Movie, Date Movie, Disaster movies). I personally just watch the damn show because Kim "big ass" Khardashian is on the show. I personally didn't care for the olympians or Cloris Leechman.
    As the new season of American Idol is in Fox I personally getting tired of stupid no talent geeks and goths and retards who thinks who can sing I personally cannot (besides from the amatuerist kareoke at a local bar on Saturday Night) so rest my case. Even the writer strike or Actor strike we all know we'll come up with stupid show just to fill up the gap between the fav timeslot for Heroes and Chuck.
  • you're so funny. and I hate reality shows, too. the only one i really would love to be on is "Who Wants to be a Superhero" on Sci-Fi, I'm mad they cancelled it after only 2 seasons.
  • I have to pony up my Man Card and show that in small print it states, "Watching any lame ass reality shows hereby voids this card for eternity".
  • Who Wants To Be A Millionaire is coming back to prime-time. I say we contact ABC and get an FSR rep on that show. We hold try-outs (aka play Scene It) as to who is the most worthy contestant.
  • That sounds like a plan. Does the Slumdog Millionaire torture scene re-enactment come as a consolation prize?
  • Instead of putting things in order of earliest to latest like normal, you have to withstand several toes being cut off and watch several family members die a brutal death.
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