Who? Directed by Tom Vaughn; written by Robert Nelson Jacobs; starring Harrison Ford, Brendan Fraser, Keri Russell
What? A couple discovers that both of their children are suffering from a rare genetic disorder and ask Indiana Jones a respected doctor (Ford) to search for the cure. The film is based on a true story and looks to be an inspiring tale about making things happen instead of waiting for them. Or at least that’s what I got from the poster tag-line… “Don’t hope for a miracle. Make one.”
Why should you care? Meh. I don’t have much to say about this one aside from the fact that it’s mix of melodrama and true-life triumph would probably would be a better fit for the small screen. So instead let’s take a minute and ask what the hell has gone wrong with Ford’s career? Who’s letting him choose these scripts? Between this, Crossing Over, Firewall, Hollywood Homicide, and the last Indiana Jones movie I’m starting to think he’s stopped caring altogether. Sure he’s made bad movies in the past, but never so many in a row.
Who? Directed by Scott Stewart; written by Peter Schink, Stewart; starring Paul Bettany, Dennis Quaid, Doug Jones
What? God has finally grown tired of his little science experiment called humanity and sends an army of angels to kill us all. Michael (Bettany), an archangel and ex-Wimbledon champion, decides mankind deserves another chance and heads to Earth to stop the slaughter. The lines are drawn in a small diner as Michael and a band of plucky humans arm themselves against the impending feathery onslaught.
Why should you care? Two reasons… one, it’s been too long since we’ve seen angels throw down against each other and mankind. The Prophecy was fifteen years ago people! And two, Garth Ennis’ brilliant Preacher comic is never going to get made so we’ll just have to lower our expectations when it comes to seeing angels eating lead on the big screen. And truth be told, I actually dig the trailer as well. The ice cream truck driver bit is creepy, Quaid’s scowl is always a welcome sight, and the old lady scurrying up the wall reminds me of the very underrated Exorcist III (which oddly enough is based on a novel called Legion…)
Who? Directed by Michael Lembeck; written by five goddamn screenwriters; starring Dwayne Johnson, Ashley Judd, Julie Andrews
What? A hockey player (Johnson) crosses paths with that elusive fifth dentist and is punished by being forced to serve as the Tooth Fairy for a full week. The job comes complete with wings, a magic wand, a tutu, and the complete emasculation of the warrior once known as The Rock. (I kid, that happened a long time ago when Johnson first entered the ring wearing a pair of short shorts.) The tooth hurts, indeed.
Why should you care? Because this is why the terrorists hate us.
Who? Directed by Martin Campbell; written by Andrew Bovell, William Monahan; starring Mel Gibson, Ray Winstone, Danny Huston
What? A Boston detective (Gibson) sees his daughter murdered before his eyes and wonders if the hit was meant for him. His investigation leads to the realization that he may not have known her as well as he presumed. Dark secrets, government conspiracies, and corporate cover-ups all stand before him and the truth… but these bad guys don’t know who their dealing with here. Look how crazy Gibson got in Ransom. And that kid lived.
Why should you care? Because this is set to be the best movie of the month! Because Gibson is a fantastic actor and this is his first starring role since Signs in 2002! Because it’s based on a smart, taut, and thrilling BBC mini-series that was also directed by Campbell! Because it’s from the screenwriter of The Departed! There are probably even more reasons, but honestly that’s already more than enough. Gibson in pissed off crazy mode is a thing of beauty. I just hope the Jews aren’t behind the conspiracy…
Who? Directed by Mark Steven Johnson; written by David Diamond, David Weissman; starring Kristen Bell, Josh Duhamel, Will Arnett, Dax Shepard, Jon Heder
What? A woman (Bell) with a poor track record when it comes to love heads to Rome for inspiration. She steals some coins from a supposed ‘fountain of love’ and unwittingly curses the men who dropped them into loving her and pursuing her back to New York. I say curse because Bell is not an attractive woman. (She makes a very pretty little boy though.)
Why should you care? Much like Leap Year, you probably won’t care about this one either. It looks slightly less generic than that one, but just as predictable. (Hmm, will she end up with Duhamel or Arnett? Hmm…) I will admit to laughing at a couple of Shepard’s lines in the trailer though, so anything is possible. The final nail in the film’s coffin is Johnson. He’s already killed off possible franchises with Ghost Rider, Daredevil, and Elektra. So with any luck he’ll kill off Bell’s career as a leading lady too.
Watch the Trailer:
Which movies are you excited about in January? Which ones will you avoid?
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