We realize that you’re probably sitting at home right now, chewing your own nails off and wondering what movies are coming out this month. Maybe you’re even wondering why no one on the entire internet has said anything about them by now. Strange, we know.
Fortunately, Rob Hunter and Cole Abaius spent the entire month of September searching EBSCO Host, making phone calls to important producers and making fan trailers out of peanut butter and marshmallows to make sure that you, dear reader, are in the know about what’s coming out in October.
Wondering why it’s a few days late? Because we don’t run it until it’s perfect. Or something. Anyway, just check out the movies to see what you wanna see.
Who did it? Directed by Christian Alvert; Written by Ray Wright; Starring Renee Zellweger, Bradley Cooper, Ian McShane, Callum Keith Rennie
What is it? A social worker tries to save a young girl’s life and rejuvenate her acting career in the process.
What about it? Alvert’s film has three distinct strikes against already. One, it’s been sitting on a shelf for over two years, and while no official reason has been given for the delay it doesn’t bode well. Two, Zellweger has been underwhelming at the box-office for almost a decade. And three, the whole evil child sub-genre has kind of run its course. Of course, these three things aside the movie looks pretty solid.
Who did it? Directed by Deon Taylor; Written by Deon Taylor, Diana Erwin and Michael J. Pagan; Starring Nikki Reed, Keith David, and Brad Dourif
What is it? That urban legend from the nineties time travels to a time when no one sends letters and the name Chain E-mail still sounds dumb.
What about it? The premise of the film is so impossible, that it’s almost intriguing just to see if the production can play it out. A handful of teens are forced to send and re-send a chain e-mail between the group, and if they break the chain, they get taken out in a bloody, screaming manner. It sounds like The Ring, except much, much, much easier to copy and send.
Who did it? Directed and written by Adam Green; Starring Danielle Harris, Tony Todd, Kane Hodder, Tom Holland
What is it? The sequel to Hatchet. Obviously.
What about it? Green’s fourth feature is a sequel to his acclaimed (and deservedly so) debut about a murderous mongoloid haunting a Louisiana swamp. The sequel literally starts mere seconds after the conclusion of the first film, albeit with a different actress in the lead, and sees a new group of human chum heading into the swamp to track and kill Victor Crowley. We get some back story and a few inventively gory death scenes, but the movie is absent the laughs and sense of fun from the original. That is, if you can even see it in theaters.
Who did it? Directed by Matt Reeves; Written by Matt Reeves; Starring Kodi Smit-McPhee, Chloe Moretz, Elias Koteas, and Richard Jenkins
What is it? The remake/second novel adaptation of the classic coming of age tale – when boy meets vampire.
What about it? The nay sayers would have you skip this film because it’s a remake, because the original was so powerful, and because the original came out only 2 years ago. However, despite the factors working against it, Matt Reeves and the stellar actors involved managed to make a moving film that stands on its own. Even if it does feel a little too familiar.
Who did it? Directed by David Fincher; Written by Aaron Sorkin; Starring Jesse Eisenberg, Andrew Garfield, Justin Timberlake, Rooney Mara, Joseph Mazzello
What is it? The somewhat true story behind the creation of Facebook and the fallout between the friends. I just hope it makes sense to those of us who have yet to join the rest of you sheep.
What about it? Fincher has yet to make a bad movie and even his least entertaining (The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button) is a technical marvel and an interesting watch. Advance reviews for his latest have been almost unanimous in their praise with special notice given to Sorkin’s script and the three lead performances. And per the Twitter argument I recently witnessed it also features an unnecessarily stereotypical portrayal of Asian girls as slutty. So yes, I’ll be seeing it as soon as possible.
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