STFU: Kevin Carr Hates Good Advice

Posted by Cole Abaius (cole.abaius@filmschoolrejects.com) on July 31, 2008

(Every Wednesday, Kevin Carr vents on what Hollywood shenanigans are boggling his mind that week in a feature we call WTF. Every Thursday from now on, an FSR staff member will refute him in a feature appropriately named STFU)

This week, Carr rambled on not just about Shia Labeouf’s DUI arrest but about the advice that other celebu-brats were proffering the wayward youth. Khloe Kardashian, who you may know as sister to Kim Kardashian, who you may know as the large-assested daughter of Bruce Jenner, who you may know from winning the 1976 Olympic decathalon, claimed that Labeouf should “get a driver” because it’s “cheaper in the long run.”

Despite having to search three degrees for a connection to an actual famous person, Kardashian (the Khloe one) has some sound advice, but Carr doesn’t seem to think so.

Yes, it’s important to weigh the danger of bodily harm one could cause when getting behind the wheel, and no one should ever, ever drive under the influence, but considering the cost of the act as well shouldn’t be a crime. She’s been there. She was in jail for a few hours atoning for her sins, and she understands the hefty fines, court costs and lawyer fees that come with such a dire mistake. It’s pragmatic, and you know the only uniquely American philosophy out there? Pragmatism. Do you hate pragmatism, Kevin? Do you hate America?

Or perhaps Kardashian was speaking specifically to the emotional and physical cost, and you misinterpreted her. Perhaps she meant that it was “cheaper in the long run” in regards to the psychological fees and scarring that could take place. Perhaps she meant that endangering the lives of others was a price even too high for the Hollywood wunderkind. We’d like to think she’s a vapid, self-indulged buffoon who only lives for her daddy’s money, but when the cameras stop rolling or flashing, maybe Khloe Kardashian goes off to a quiet corner to read “The Sun Also Rises” and contemplates the works of Brahms and Spinoza.

Just imagine if the rest of her quote went on to say, “For the depth of human life is worth more than any single experience. If you plan to act carelessly with you’re own life, the only way to avoid paying such a hefty tax on the soul is to employ the service of a guardian angel - one to take you to and from locations while expanding your mind with libations of the strongest sort. Forsooth, if you lose consciousness and steer your own course, the possibility of destroying another’s life is far too high a price to pay. To hire a chauffeur is only money. To lose a life or kill another is to lose your humanity.”

Sounds plausible to me. Truer words were never spoken, Ms. Kardashian.

Or maybe she was just speaking to her audience. All the appeals to safety might fall on the deaf ears of a young man raised in the spotlight. Instead, she cleverly appealed to his sensible side, creating an argument that might seem ghoulish to Mr. Carr, but that keeps Shia off the streets. All the sensible pleas in the world wouldn’t matter if they didn’t sink in, and maybe that’s what Shia needed to help the information really hit home. If that’s the case, Khloe Kardashian just saved lives.

You’ve had your say about the addle-pated pseudo-model’s opinion on the matter, Kevin, but the next time a D-list star gives an almost-A-list star advice, maybe you should STFU.

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