Movie Style Guy: The Uninvited are Horrible House Guests

Posted by Robert Fure (robert@filmschoolrejects.com) on January 28, 2009

As a kid, I didn’t need toys because I loved playing with words so much. The Uninivited are Horrible House Guests, I mean come on, that is guaranteed to be at least as good as the movie itself! And yeah, that’s saying something. Saying something bad.

Perhaps I’m rushing to judgment, though my gut feeling is pointing me in that direction, but at the very least The Uninvited, by title alone, gives us real life insight. People who show up uninvited are often a pain in the ass. A step further, most house guests are a pain too. With that in mind, hop on board with a few of these tips to make sure that you’re at least as good of a house guest as Sinbad in, you guessed it, Houseguest.

• Don’t be Uninvited. Showing up unannounced is a total dick move, bro. At least have the common courtesy to call and see what’s up if you want to hang out. And calling to say “Hey, I’m downstairs” is not calling ahead.
• Hanging Out isn’t a +1. That’s the lingo for bringing a guest. If you ask to come over, or are invited over, the invitation is probably just for you. Showing up with 2 or 3 friends is totally uncool. Call and make sure it’s okay to bring others.
• Don’t Make Yourself at Home. Hanging at home is awesome. You can go barefoot, not wear pants or shirts, put your feet up and leave the refrigerator door open for an hour while choosing what you want. Until you’re considered a pretty good friend, you shouldn’t kick off your shoes, empty your pockets, and root around the fridge at a host’s house.
• Be Timely. If you’re coming over at 4, anything before 3:45 and after 4:15 is not considerate.
• Be Clean. Seriously. Don’t show up in dirty old gym clothes or stinky. Even if you’re best friends. That’s gross.
• Leave On Time. Sometimes a host won’t kick you out, but when he starts mentioning work, being tired, or busy, he’s telling you to get out.
• Don’t Assault the Host’s Children. You’ve weaseled your way into this marriage and that’s bad enough, leave the kids alone.
• Don’t Boil Any Pets. How did this even enter your head as a good idea?
• Resist the Urge to Murder. It really puts a damper on the evening’s festivities if you keep trying to choke someone or chase around a loved grandmother with a kitchen knife.

So the next time you’re over at someones house, Uninvited or not, be on your best manners and mind your P’s and Q’s, whatever that means. Some say it means be careful of the letters “p” and “q” on a printing press when typesetting, which makes sense. We Rejects are always screwing up our Gutenberg 4950. Others say it’s about bartenders warning patrons to mind their “pints” and “quarts” while drinking. Personally, I think it actually means mind your Pentaceratops and Quaesitosaurus, which admittedly makes the least amount of sense unless you’re a rare dinosaur wrangler. Bet you didn’t think I’d be able to find a dinosaur that started with Q, eh?

Do you have any Uninvited Houseguest horror stories? Murder, assault, not using a coaster?

Read more articles by Robert Fure