Well this looks to be another abysmal weekend in the theaters. I guess your best chance of a good time would be The Bank Job, though I’m sure many will throw money away on 10,000 B.C. Hopefully, no one is dumb enough to go see College Road Trip, but if you are, I’ll cover you anyways. To help you survive, or recover from, these films, I’ve prepared the appropriate cocktail to wreck yourself with before, during, or after your movie of choice.
The Bank Job – Atomic Cocktail
With a name like that, you’d expect this drink to floor you – the traditional one will not. So I’ve taken the liberty of putting my own spin on it so your head will spin round the room. What you’ll need:
- Pineapple juice
- Grapefruit juice
Very simple here, mix together 3oz of pineapple juice and 1oz of grapefruit juice. Add 2oz of Gin and 2oz of Vodka. Shake over ice or stir and pour into a highball glass filled with ice. This version has a bit more kick in it, but if you’d rather a little something weaker: 2oz Pineapple, 2oz Grapefruit, 1 1/2oz gin, 1/2oz Galliano (if unavailable, 2oz gin). With this drink, no matter how bad they botch the robbery, you’ll be smiling and laughing all the way to the pen.
10,000 B.C. – Tinto de Verano
Well I’m pretty sure 12,008 years ago the alcohol scene was pretty boring, and I’m figuring most of you are interested in making your own grog or honey ale (though if you have the time, I recommend it), so we’ll go with something much simpler. Wine was one of the first alcoholic beverages introduced, so you may drink wine, or that being boring and often leaving me with a hell of a hangover, I’ve adapted the Spanish Tinto de Verano to more commonly available American ingredients. What you’ll need:
- Red wine
- Seltzer water
To take a touch of sweetness out of the sprite, we’re cutting it down 3:1, that is, for 3oz of Sprite you add 1oz of Seltzer water. So for an 8oz serving, we simple use 3oz Sprite and 1oz Seltzer, stir gently, and then add 4oz of red wine, again, stirring very gently. This drink should be served over ice with a slice of lemon as a garnish. You’ll find its a very refreshing sipping drink that’ll help slowly but surely erase any amount of nude dude cavemen you happen to see.
College Road Trip – Zombie
I reckon this movie will require the most liquid persuasion to survive or forget, so I’ve pulled out all the stops and prepared something for you about 3 steps down from total annihilation. There aren’t many drinks that sit equal with this mind erasing cocktail, and even fewer that rise above it. Granted, I’ve consumed them all and lived to tell the tale, but I wouldn’t want to kill all my readers (or else I’ll never get paid). This is a long one, so buckle down. What you need:
- White Rum
- Golden Rum
- Dark Rup
- Apricot Brandy
- Pineapple Juice
- Papaya juice
- 151-proof rum
- Flavored syrup (Cherry Grenadine)
Add all of your ingredients in a 1:1 ratio into a shaker, with ice. Shake it up real nice. The flavored syrup should only be a dash and the 151 should momentarily be left aside. Pour the mixture in a tall glass, with ice, and add the 151 on top. Garnish with a cherry. This is a potent blend that will catch fire if you want it to, but only do it on the first one – otherwise you’re going to end up burning your house down. The sweet juices and flavored brandy are required to mask the strong bite of the alcohol – replace them if you must, but any deviation from strong sweet juices will make the drink far more scathing on your tongue. Mixing this much alcohol with soda, or seltzer, or tonic, or even cranberry juice, would burn almost as much as drinking it straight.
So there you have it, my friends. In any attempt to selectively erase your memory, please drink responsibly and be careful which movies you choose to see – chronic poor choices may lead to alcoholism. As always, I’m your Movie Style Guy.