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I love the Beatles. Some might say I’m obsessed with them and the incredible burst of creative sonic wonderment that they built and embodied for such a short amount of time.

In fact, if you enjoy “music,” then you love them to even if you don’t know it. That song you’re humming in your head right now, regardless of genre, wouldn’t be the same without them. Unless the song is completely influenced by the Beach Boys and their specific version of pop music. So, maybe you have an out after all.

But even with the release of the monster Fab Four catalog in plastic guitar and colored button form, it makes absolutely no damned sense to me that Robert Zemeckis would want to remake Yellow Submarine.

Here are some reasons why:

1. The original film came out in 1968, and didn’t really feature the Beatles themselves except for a cameo at the end.
2. It’s very distinctly a product of its time that doesn’t seem to translate at all to today.
3. Dick Emery died in 1983, meaning that he can’t reprise his role of Jeremy Hilary Boob, PhD.
4. If the original was a fun waste of time, I don’t see how a remake could rise too far above that.
5. Seriously. How do you make Yellow Submarine with no Dr. Boob?

Over at /film, the always-intrepid Brendan Connelly wrote a great piece on some clues to how the film is coming together, but my personal interpretation of that process is that Zemeckis will capture some motion from whatever actors he cares for and try to make relevant one of the films based on the lesser works of pop icons who didn’t even appear in the original.

In fact, if he could get Ringo and Paul McCartney for the remake, it would automatically have something over the original. Unfortunately, that would also mean two fewer roles for Jim Carrey to play.

I realize there’s a grand argument for fun wastes of time to me made or remade, but I suppose it just seems odd considering the weighty legacy of The Beatles. This whole thing feels just about as cheap as their music appearing in Burger King commercials.

What do you think? How wrong am I on this?